31 Things I’ve Learned As a StepMom

For several years I’ve wanted to participate in the October series… 31 days, but I never have

Truthfully, it wasn’t even on my radar this year until yesterday and then, in true Heather form, I decided I wanted to do it and put it all together.

But what to write about?

The answer was very obvious.


Now know this:  I’m NOT an expert.  I’ve only been at this for a little over four years, however, life experience helps when figuring things out.  When I was at the stepmom’s retreat, many of the things they talked about I had figured out.  It didn’t make me feel as if I didn’t need to be there, rather, reinforced that maybe I’m not as bad at this as I sometimes tend to think I am.

Because this step parenting thing?  It’s hard, y’all.

So, for the next 31 days, I’m going to be talking about 31 things I’ve learned as a step mom in the hopes that I’m able to provide encouragement for just one other stepmother out there.

But this isn’t just for stepmoms.  Know why?  Because I bet, even if you’re not a stepmom, you know one – she’s a co-worker, a woman within your church, or even a member of your family.  Perhaps she’s shared a few things and you’ve stifled the urge to look at her like she has four heads. (It’s okay to admit that, I’ve seen the look more times than I can count.)

Yes.  Many of these things we couldn’t make up if we tried.  They are true.  They are very real struggles that unless you’ve lived them, you probably don’t understand them.  And these posts might not make you fully understand what it’s like to be a stepmom, but they will give you a glimpse into the life of a stepmom.

You won’t find mudslinging, drama or any personal vents here.  You’ll hear parts of my story and only my story, because mine is the only one I need to share.

I welcome comments, but ask that you respect others when commenting.  I don’t want to delete, but I know how heated conversations can get when dealing with these conversations.  I believe we can all get along here, m’kay?


And please feel free to share.  There are more stepmoms out there than you think and you don’t know who might need the encouragement!

Here’s to the next 31 Days!



Stepping Out

I’ve been a stepmother for over four years.  Officially.

This weekend I decided it would be a good time to go get some training.

I’m himmed and hawed around deciding whether or not I wanted to go, but in the end, not only was my husband urging me to go, God was as well.  And it was evident.

So I signed up for the Sisterhood of Stepmoms Fall Stepmom Retreat in Asheville, NC.

When my dad found out I was going he said, “Don’t you have that down pat?” which, for my dad, was a huge compliment.  I got a similar compliment from Thing 4 (my step-daughter) in a cuter way.  “Why do you need to go there?  You’ve been the best step-mom from the beginning.”

But the reality of it is, I needed to get away and I figured this would be a great opportunity.

Ok, I lie.

My husband thought this would be a great opportunity and not because he doesn’t think I do a good job, because he does, but rather he knew I needed support that he couldn’t give me.

So outside of my comfort zone I stepped… and not only signed up for the retreat, but also found a ride with a stranger and found a roommate (who wasn’t on Facebook so I couldn’t stalk her first.)

I truly was going on faith.

And I was wigged out.

Until Linsie picked me up Friday and we had a great chat all the way there.  And then I met Cyndi, my roommate, and she was normal, or as normal as a step-mom can be, and life was good.

I didn’t know what to expect.  I didn’t know what to look for.


I heard the hurt, trials and blessings of other step-mothers.  I walked away feeling refreshed and ready to come home to my big, blended family and all the chaos that goes with it.

I never grew up wishing one day I would be a step-mom.  But that’s where God led me.

And in the end, what I realized from this retreat was (a) I’m not alone in this journey and (b) the hubs and I are so incredibly blessed with this blended family.




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