Be the Stepmom You’d Want Your Kids to Have {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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The golden rule goes something like this…”Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”

I’m in a position where I’m both a stepmom AND a mom.  Thing 1 and 2 had a stepmom and their dad is engaged to be married, meaning they’ll have a new stepmom at some point in time.

I’ve heard horror stories about biological mothers and how they treat their children’s stepmothers and I don’t want to be that woman. (Although I fear I might have been in the beginning!)

I’ve learned that I want to be the stepmom to my step kids that I want my own biological children to have.  That doesn’t necessarily mean I have to agree with everything she does, but I want her to treat my kids the same way that I treat my step kids.

Jennifer was my kids’ stepmom for eight years or so.  We weren’t BFFs or anything, but we got along very well.  It took some time, but we got to the point where holiday dinners and double dating were not unusual things for us.  My kids loved her.  She was into makeup (she sold Mary Kay) and so she helped Thing 2 in that arena because I have no clue.

But the biggest thing she did was go above and beyond for my kids and do things she didn’t have to.

I recognized it and I appreciated it.

I even blogged about it.

I’d be lying if I said we didn’t miss Jennifer, because we do, but we still keep in touch with her.  She was a huge part of my kids’ lives.

And she was a huge influence on the type of stepmom I am to Thing 3 and 4 because she was the first one to ever show me what a good stepmom looked like.

And for that, I am grateful.

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We Must Be Careful Not to Divide Our Stepkids in Half {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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This week, we studied Solomon and how wise he was.  In 1 Kings and the story of Solomon and how he became king (remember, he was the legitimate child of Bathsheba and David… after David knocked her up and then had her hubby killed to cover up their affair and then that baby died… – and oh yeah, David was a man after God’s own heart… there’s so much hope for me.)

So where was I after that rabbit trail?

Oh yeah…

In 1 Kings and the story of Solomon, there are two prostitutes who each had an infant son.  In the middle of the night, woman one rolled over on her baby and killed it.  So she snuck into the room of woman two and swapped the babies out.

Woman two woke up with a dead baby at her breast and immediately knew it wasn’t her child.  (Because wouldn’t you?)

Anywho, Solomon, the King, was who you went to with these issues and so both women were claiming the baby as her own and asked Solomon to decide who the baby belonged to.

Solomon’s answer?  “Get me a sword and I’ll cut the baby in half and give you each half of this child.”

No seriously.  Look it up. It’s in there!

Woman two, the real mother, didn’t want to see harm done to her child and said, “No!  Don’t cut that baby in half; just give it to her.” And the other woman was all like “yes, give us both half”

Solomon knew who the mother was based on both answers and returned the baby to the rightful mother.

So this was proof in how wise Solomon was.  But if you were my Sunday School kids, you’d have responses like, “What?  Who would cut a baby in half?”  and “How in the world would that actually work?” and “Which half would you want, the upper half or the lower half?”  and “But what if they didn’t cut upper and lower but left and right?”

It gets out of hand in there sometimes, but on the whole, I love every minute of it.

I digress.

But really?  What mother would want to bisect a child?  And we don’t think we’re that mother, do we?

How many times have we split our step kids in half?  (Maybe not even realizing we’re doing it?)

How many times have we made our stepkids chose between their mom or their dad? or us?

How many times have we called them on the carpet for their behavior when really?  It was only their way of protecting mom or dad and not hurting feelings?

No, I never intended to do this to the step kids, but it happens at times and that divides them right in half.  Yes, we get defensive when it comes to dealing with things – it’s our human nature – but the ones who get caught in the crossfire and get hurt are the kids.  They feel like they have two separate lives, one with mom and one with dad, instead of just being one person with a whole lotta people that love them.

So through this story I’ve learned not to divide my step kids in half.  Because we don’t have enough money for college AND therapy funds.

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This Is Their Story {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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  We all have various stories from our past that affect who we are.  For me, I was an Army Brat and moved around a lot; I was the daughter of someone who wasn’t affectionate; I strayed from the path I was raised to follow. All of those things make me who I am today. […]

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Don’t Lose Focus on What’s Truly Important {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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My hope, when I began this series, was to reach out to other stepmoms, those thinking they were crazy and the only ones experiencing this, and show them they aren’t alone.  It was also, in part, a way for me to overcome fear I allowed into my life and my writing.  What I really wasn’t […]

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Sometimes You Just Have to Laugh {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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It’s one of those days that I just don’t have time to write what’s going on in my head… a long day, with a youth event and trying to prepare for my classes at church tomorrow and our annual halloween party… I had a GREAT idea that I’d share a few funny things about being […]

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