Remember… You Chose to Travel This Road… {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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Yes.  I believe God called me to the relationship I’m in now.  But when I’m angry, and I get that every now and then, my first response is “I didn’t sign up for this.”

I can’t tell you how many times, tears streaming down my face, I’ve said this to myself.

And every time, without fail, I’m immediately convicted.

“Yes you did.”

I did.  I signed up for this.

He might have chose me, but I could’ve walked away; I could’ve said no.

I’ve learned that I chose to be a stepmother.  I made a choice to love a family of three and blend them with my family of three.

No one had a gun to my head.

I knew what I was getting into, but I think when you’re in love, you just think it can’t get any worse.

Sometimes, it does.

And sometimes it gets better.

You just have to roll with the punches and be ready for it.  You don’t have to like it, but you have to remember you made the choice to deal with the blended family, and all that goes with it.

You also have to realize that it’s okay to mourn the loss of “the way it was.”  There are days I think it was so much easier as a single mom.

And when people ask me if I would ever suggest a woman marry a man with children, I would never say no.

But I do advise to think long and hard about what their life will look like and the known trials that come with it.  He and his children might be worth it, but know that it will take more than love to make it last.

Love is a choice.  And so is a stepfamily.

Choose wisely. :)

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Spend Time Together…and One-on-One {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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Today, I took my stepson to the grocery store with me. No husband, no other children. Just me and Thing 3.

The opportunity to have one on one time with each of them happens less than having them all together, although here of late, getting all four of them together is on the difficult side as well.

I’m not their mother, so one on one time with me should come second to their father and their mother, but mom was out of town and dad wasn’t feeling well so off we headed to the store.

I’ve learned that one-on-one time with my step kids (and biological kids) is extremely important. It shows them I’m interested in spending time with them, and it gives me the opportunity to focus solely on each of them.

We talked about school; We talked about church; We talked about the past and the future and much of in between. We talked about goals he has and how I can help him and yes, he got to pick out the stuff he wanted at the store.

I don’t force this time on any of my kids. He didn’t have to go to the grocery store with me today. His dad was home and he could’ve stayed there watching TV. I’m sure going to the grocery store was not the top to-do item on his list. But I was so appreciative of him saying yes when I asked, not just because I hate going to the store alone, but because I knew I’d be able to spend some time with just him.

He’s a neat kid.

They all are.

But sometimes we forget that because they aren’t able to shine when all four are vying for the same attention.

Together, they form a great unit, each bringing something different to the table. But apart, they don’t get lost in the shuffle of just being a large family.

Take time to get to know your step kids. No, they may not jump at the chance right away, but knowing that you care about them as an individual is huge.

(Especially if that’s his or her love language… for Thing 3 it is.)

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Stepparenting on Pinterest {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

Pinterest is, among other things, a place to get inspiration.  Whether it be crafts or words of encouragement. For a stepmom, it’s no different. I’ve learned to head to pinterest for words of encouragement and a good laugh. Are you following my stepparenting board? Follow Heather StClair’s board Step parenting on Pinterest. No, Pinterest doesn’t […]

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“Family” is Redefined {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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Having been a single mother for 10 years before I remarried and having an active, WONDERFUL step-mother in my kids’ life was a huge benefit for me in my stepmom journey.  I never disliked Jennifer when she married my ex-husband, but I will admit to feeling threatened…especially when Thing 2 asked me what she should […]

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Sometimes We Just Have to Let Things Go… {31 Things I’ve Learned About Being a Stepmom}

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I’m sure it’s hard to imagine, but occasionally things happen around these parts that make my blood boil.  Some times I feel I have a right to be angry because it’s affected me or my kids.  Often times I held on to them longer than I ever should’ve and allowed them to carry bitterness in […]

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