Today would’ve been my 10 year wedding anniversary…
It didn’t dawn on me until I was looking at my post again about my dinner out with Sondra… and some more math…
funny how we forget some things…
I don’t typically dwell in the past… there’s a passage from a book I once read that states…
We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.
I’ve kinda lived by that… well, that and
it’s none of my business what other people think of me…
But over the last 7 months, I’ve thought alot about who I was… who I am now… and if my marriage (or the two other relationships I’ve had since then) would’ve been different had I made these changes alot earlier…
Deep stuff, no?
I think about things like would I have a college degree if we had stayed together? Would I be working from home? Would I own my house and have a car that was paid off? Would I be just a couple thousand dollars away from being debt free?
Would my parents and I still talk? Would I have found my church? Would I have the same friends?
I could go on and on about my marriage and why it ended after just three short years…
it’s really irrelevant…and I’ve never spoken unkindly of anyone on my blog and I don’t want to start now…
but what I determined is that in all of these relationships, my marriage included, i was at fault too…
I wasn’t the epitome of the perfect wife… or girlfriend… although in my mind, I was…
talk about an eye opener… when I was done with them it was all their fault and i was perfect… 
Funny how things change…
But I have come to the determination, that it doesn’t matter who I was… that’s all in the past… I learned bits and pieces from each of those relationships…
What matters is who I am today.
Today I am single.
Today I am independent.
Today I am a better mother.
Today I am a better daughter.
Today I am a better friend.
Today I am looked up to rather than down on.
Today I am a better Christian.
Talking the talk and walking the walk.
and it doesn’t matter what I did over the past 10 years…
Today I am forgiven.
Until next time…
Heather
 Lisa B. Posted: Aug 30th, 2007 at 7:09 am |
1
AMEN! I was already writing my response to the first part of your post, when I then realized you responded for me at the end |
 LL Posted: Aug 30th, 2007 at 9:50 am |
2
Heather, Thanks for your tips about the Mac. It’s a huge learning curve for me, and kind of frustrating at times, but mostly I’m happy with it. It’s kind of like getting married - once the honeymoon is over, you find out that the “operating system” you’re used to (your own) is often completely different than the one you’ve just acquired, and you have to choose to learn the new system, but it’s hard and frustrating. I’ve learned a lot about myself this summer and even through learning this Mac. I thought I knew a lot about computers, till I got this one. I thought I knew a lot about relationships, till I started weeding through my life’s memories and seeing a lot of the same patterns throughout… All that to say, I think you’re great and I’m proud of you and what you’ve walked through and what you’ve learned over the years of your life. Some of those questions are hard to ask yourself, but you’re doing it anyway. Good for you. Don’t ever quit! |
 Tishia Posted: Aug 30th, 2007 at 7:58 pm |
3
Amen sister! Kind of funny how after a break up it was all their fault but you eventually take a look at yourself and realize that suddenly you aren’t perfect (kind of funny I’ve been in your same shoes before!). And you are right the past is the past and it’s irrevelant, God wants us focusing on him and the future not the past and who we were back then. |
 Sincerely Anna Posted: Sep 1st, 2007 at 2:19 pm |
4
Heather, you’re an inspiration to me and I’ve just been reading your blog for the past couple of weeks. God has run after you these past 10 years and carried you far. He loves you and has an awesome plan. Keep pressing on. |
 jenn Posted: Sep 3rd, 2007 at 9:40 pm |
5
this post spoke to me in ways that i will never be able to express. i have been dealing with wondering about the ‘what ifs’ in my own life and struggling with letting myself off the hook for some of my choices. the truth is, as you so eloquently stated and as hard as i find it to believe: we are who we are today because of where and who we have been . the past is the past. your words have brought me to tears and i am so grateful to have found your post and to have found some inner peace. thank you for sharing |
 catnip Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 10:13 am |
6
Wow. I have many what ifs myself, but I try not to think about them much. catnips last blog post..a better song |
 Annabelle Posted: May 9th, 2008 at 12:51 pm |
7
That’s so true! Hind-sight is always 20/20 right? Annabelles last blog post..Mothers like Deadliest Catch? |
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I often thought about the past and what-ifs, but I try not to stay there too long — because God’s always been watching out for me, even when I’ve ignored Him. No matter where I (or you) have been, God still loves us and wants to grow us — and that just totally blows my mind!