Why does buying underwear have to be so difficult?

I have issues with buying underwear.

There. I said it.

What might be surprising to you is that I don’t have issues buying underwear for myself… that’s easy. I just go and pick out the most childish, loudest underwear you can find and I’m happy. I’m not a Victoria’s Secret matching bra and panties kinda gal.

I’m just not.

And for some reason, this shocks people. I’m not sure why. To me, when you figure out what kind of undergarments I have on, it’s fitting of my personality. But for others, it’s a shocking discovery.

Perfect example… I took one of the younger ones to the potty at church. (Potty training, oh the joys!) In an attempt to show her how big girls go to the potty, she was in the stall with me and when I finished and clapped for myself because I’m a big girl, I pulled my pants up while she screamed (at the top of her lungs)

“Heather! You have Elmo on your panties.”

And it was loud.

When I took her back to her mother, I recounted the events in the bathroom and she burst into laughter. All of a sudden she stopped, looked at me and said, “Do you really have Elmo underwear?”

With a huge grin, I replied “yes”.

She was shocked. It was then that I went on to tell her that I also had Cookie Monster, Looney Toons, and Winnie the Pooh in addition to those with turtles, smiley faces, kung fu fighters and very bright colors.

Again, I think they fit my personality, but to others, they just don’t see it that way.

She wasn’t troubled by this new insight into my life (I don’t think anyway) but it was a shock never the less.

And yes, my underwear are the topic of many jokes and laughs. And that’s okay. My life is the same way.

So, like I said…my issue with buying underwear is not in buying my own, but in buying for my children.

I had to venture to Wally World tonight. Since the kids were with their dad, I needed to do some Santa shopping. I was headed to get socks and underwear because my mother had grand ideas and stories.

When the question was raised about why my children always got socks and underwear for Christmas, my mother, the genius told the kids that there was an Elf at the North Pole and that all he did was make socks and underwear and that everyone got socks and underwear for Christmas.

It stuck. And so now, every year, I have to go and purchase socks and underwear for my children for Christmas.

So there I was at Wal-Mart, in search of boxer briefs for Matthew. Why do they make prints on older boys’ underwear that you know will cause teasing if anyone ever saw it? And why do they put non-manly colors in packages? It took me forever to find a 3 pack of drawers for the boy because I didn’t want anyone to ever have any reason to kid him about his underwear.

I? Like the teasing. He? Would melt down.

I finally found non-white, manly colored drawers.

Socks are easy… no show or ankle Hanes.

I then headed to the little girl aisle to pick some up for Sam.

Since when does my eight year old need hispter, bikini, or low rise panties?

What happened to plain old briefs? (Which they have, but not in abundance.)

Frustrated as I sifted through the panties with all sorts of colors, sizes and styles until I finally found a cute 8 pack of briefs. As I added them to the cart, I thought to myself, “She’ll hate them. She’ll want the others… anything but plain old briefs.”

I added them to my cart anyway and decided that when she whines and complains about not only getting underwear, but that they aren’t “cute” that I’ll just blame it on the elf. And then I’ll call and thank my mother.

Until next time…

Heather