Do you ever just be-bop along in life thinking everything is okay, only to realize after one very small, insignificant event spins your whole world out of control and you realize that every thing’s NOT been okay?

Please say yes or I’ll feel like a complete nincompoop…

This has been my life for the last few months. Every thing’s been great, or so I thought. I thought that I had it all under control and then on Tuesday I woke up and the world had stopped. There I stood, confused, lost, alone… or at least that’s how I felt. That’s not really how it was, but to me, my things were spiraling out of control.

It was almost as if things were spinning all around me and I couldn’t control any of it.

Now, please know, I know that I am not in control of my life, but there are certain things that I need to have a handle on… and I was grasping at every single thing in my life and coming up with air. I’m sure I’ve known for awhile that this was going on, but I didn’t realize it…

But when I finally opened my eyes? Oh my goodness!

Please don’t misunderstand, it wasn’t like things were bad. They weren’t, but for whatever reason, these things in my life had gotten to the point where I was comfortable with them… or as my dear friend, Myra had been explaining to me for weeks, it was my pit.

The problem was I wasn’t listening to what she was saying because she wasn’t saying it to me — she was just talking in general about Beth Moore’s “Get out of that pit!” that she’s been reading. We do this often, she and I, we talk about the books that we are reading and the profound knowledge that is contained within the pages.

I haven’t been this insane (for lack of a better word) for a while. I could feel the meltdown starting in Bible Study Tuesday morning. I confessed that I had been so unmotivated and unproductive for weeks — in every aspect of my life. I also mentioned that at that point in time I had NO ONE to watch my children or my dog while I was out of town.

The latter was totally my fault. When my failsafe fell through, I didn’t want to seek help from anyone else and let it go far too long and then was trapped.  Yes, I have a problem asking for help.

I came home from Bible Study and was fighting to hold back the tears. My phone was ringing off the hook from those in my Bible Study class as they knew that something wasn’t right with me that morning.

I didn’t answer.

I thought that by calling a friend who is always good for making me laugh would help. I never intended to rage with feelings while on the phone with her, but I did. I was walking around the house, arms flailing everywhere, dumping everything that was going on in my head on her.

She just listened, every once in awhile pointing out that while all these things seemed little in comparison, they were enough to become heavy and weigh me down. Every single thing that was bothering me was so inconsequential and most of them, were simply out of my control.

The she said to me, “You know that when you get on that plane Sunday morning, everything will be okay. Everything will have worked out the way that it’s supposed to. You can go and enjoy your trip. It will be good for you to get away.”

She was the second person to tell me that this trip would be good for me. But I just couldn’t see how when I couldn’t trust that everything would be taken care of on the home front. For whatever reason, I felt that *I* was the only one that could do the things here that someone else would now need to do.

But I did tell her that in that moment, I couldn’t see past my face to see Sunday.

Talk about being stuck on myself.

Talk about being stuck on stupid.

I got off the phone. I sat down to have another unproductive day. I sat down to have a huge pity party and meltdown.

I opened Google Reader to read blogs, and to figure out what I was going to post on mine.

There sitting at the top of the screen was Lysa TerKeurst’s post… Captured By, Enthralled With, Living Proof of…

“Everything I have. Everything I own. Everything I hope for. Everything I fear. Everything I love. Everything I dream. It’s all yours Jesus. I trust you in complete and utter abandon.”

It’s the one thing that made the rich young ruler walk away in Luke 18. He asked Jesus how to inherit eternal life. A life of peace, assurance, joy despite circumstances and eternal security, “How do I get this?” he asked. “I follow the rules. I’m a good person.”

Jesus was quick to reply, “You still lack one thing.” Release. Let go of. Stop depending on. Cease striving for. Abandon. “Sell everything you have and follow me.”

Talk about a slap in the face!

Not once in all my prayers I had I given any of these things to Him… NOT ONCE!

I put in a 9-1-1 to the Big Man right then and there… on my knees, in my office.

Then I returned the calls to those who had called to check on me.

Then I called and asked for help with my children, and you know what?

I am blessed beyond measure. My BFF is, right this minute, getting ready to drive 5 hours to come and stay with my kids while I’m gone. Praise the Lord!

I’m humbled to think that she would make this sacrifice for me, but I also know that I would do it for her in a heart beat.

(It makes me wish harder that she lived here, too, but I’m still trying to convince her that she should move here.)

And then?

I had the most productive day I’ve had in a long time. I was on fire at work, producing some of the best stuff that I ever have.

Then, I got my kitchen cleaned up… including sweeping and mopping the floors… and every stitch of laundry washed, folded and put away.

I couldn’t believe it… I was on fire!!!

That evening, I dropped a note to those in my Bible Study that said…

I guess I needed to have a good vent and a good cry to get back to some semblance of normal…there’s still a whole bunch more to do to climb out of my pit, but I feel like I’m on my way. I still don’t understand why I have to melt down to get better.

And Myra, oh she’s a wealth of wisdom replied and said….

Melt down………Let’s see. Ice must melt down to allow the new growth of spring to burst forth. Perhaps, that is your way of bursting forth, blooming and being productive, Has it occurred to you that your “pit” is one place where you are not supposed to be content? Time’s up and you are coming out, all fresh and clean from the melting of your cocoon! Rejoice and be ye glad!

Makes sense, right?

I feel so much stronger than I did before this happened. I feel refreshed. I have a bounce in my step.

I’ve been like this ever since I had my meltdown and today? I feel like I’m going to burst open…

It was a change of season for me and I’m no longer content in that pit.

And I am so very blessed to have the people in my life that I do. This was a collective effort of all of my friends and each played a very important part…

This time last year? I didn’t have that.

And for that, I am forever grateful.

Until next time…

Heather

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