It's about faith, stupid…

I have spent multiple weeks being attacked by the enemy. These attacks have come by way of members of my church, members of my family, friends, strangers, children, adults, etc. Every time I feel that I have risen above it (read: laughed it off and tried to pretend like it doesn't bother me) another attack would happen.

I have spent the better part of two weeks angry, afraid, bothered, hurt, and every other emotion that you can think of but my motto has always been "fake it til ya make it" which really is just the same thing as telling yourself a lie long enough that you will eventually believe it. A lie is a lie is a lie.

But my God? He's so funny. Here's the first thing He showed me today.

I arrived at church in time for Sunday School, as usual, and was trying to figure out what class I wanted to go to. I don't normally go sit with the teens for Sunday school, but I've missed Wednesday nights that last few weeks due to softball, that I thought it would be cool to go and hang with them. But, Matthew was in there this morning as we are acclimating him into Youth and I didn't think he needed his mother in there.

But I really didn't want to go to my normal class because they are doing Romans and I did that lesson a month ago in my morning Bible Study. I know that something new might have been revealed to me, but it didn't matter because the elementary class teacher wasn't there today and as Pastor Man was frantically searching for the materials, I offered to teach. I thought that because I had been doing so well with the softball team that maybe I could make it as an elementary school sunday school teacher. That and I didn't have to chose between the teen and adult class.

Perfect, right?

Wrong. I am NOT cut out for the Elementary Sunday School teacher but the lesson that we learned today was that you can't fool God.

Nice way to start the day.

I laughed and said, "gotcha God. I know, I know, I can't fool you, but please just let me go on thinking that I am okay and eventually it will be."

And then there was service in which I was reminded in every single song that He is there for me; that He is an awesome God; that He is my friend.

And what am I doing? Pretending that He doesn't know that something is wrong. Like I have this secret that I can't share.

But then? I lost it. I mean, like broke down, lost it.

And it happened at the chorus of this song…

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow,
Because He lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living,
Just because He lives!

Oh but it gets better dear ones.

After I got the science fair projects done and completed, I sat down to flip the channels while I waited for Sam to clean up her supplies and I stopped on TD Jakes. I love me some TD Jakes. I don't know what it is about him, but I could sit and listen to him for hours and never tire.

And in the introduction of his message he said, "it's about faith, stupid." I'm sure on any other day, I might have been offended, but not today. Because stupid? It's exactly what I've been.

It's not about my kids, my car, my family, my job, my church, my friends.

The devil doesn't want any of those things.

He wants my faith.

He wants everything that I have to cling to so that I falter and join his ranks. He wants to take it away from me.

Well I got news for you Mr. devil….

It's mine and you can't have it.

Until next time…