I now know where that came from… at Desperately Seeking Sanity

May 21st, 2008

My earlier post, at the time it was written, was so random. I even titled it “I have no Idea Where This Came From”…

A letter from the ex, a memory of my mother, an example of how I should be… it was just so completely out there…

For me. And maybe for you.

But not for my God.

Oh no. He had a plan, a purpose for that email that was written over six years ago…. a plan that I would find it… Monday… because that’s when I wrote that post… on Monday.

He needed me to see that email. He needed me to remember that time of my life, the sadness, the hurt, the pain and how my mother came to my side because I needed all of that to be armed for Tuesday.

Tuesday. The day that my daughter found out that her big sister (from the Big Brother Big Sisters Program) is moving. The day that my daughter felt the pain. The day that my daughter needed me… just to be there. To hold her. To offer her tissues and tell her that everything was going to be okay.

She found out after our game… in which we lost and to some very snobby, stuck up coaches who thought the game was a sure thing. We gave them a run for their money. They weren’t so smug toward the end.

She was quiet when she got in the car. She didn’t say much at all. The car was somber. Even though I knew what had just happened, no one else did. And she didn’t know that I knew.

And then, faintly over the sound of the radio, I heard her fight back the tears. I peeked back there and saw her trying to wipe them away so that no one would know.

This is when I knew something was wrong. Because Samara is a top notch drama queen. Real tears are quiet. These were real tears… tears she didn’t want to show because that would admit true hurt.

She’s more like me than I thought.

My immediate thought was “let’s go get ice cream” because ice cream fixes everything. Even she wasn’t excited. Not even when she found the new flavor “playdoh”… but she ate it… quietly.

When we arrived home, I shouted for them to get their crap out of my car. Quietly, she did as I asked and then came inside.

As I stepped through the door of the house, I felt it… I felt Him speaking to me saying… “You know what you have to do for her.”

And I did.

We cuddled on the couch to watch American Idol. She laid her head in my lap and was still… so unusal for her. I rubbed her hair and handed her tissues as needed.

Occasionally, she would ask who I wanted to win… claiming herself as a member of the Archie camp. She had my cell phone poised and ready to go. Quietly. Respectfully.

I expected the events of my memory to happen a few years from now. I expected it to be over a boy.

And now?

She’s tucked away in my bed. Sleeping peacefully and for the time being, not aware of the sadness that she faces in losing her big sister.

And I feel horrible that I gave her David Cook’s text in number when she asked for Archie’s.

Until next time…

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Filed under According to Samara, Faith, Mom Stuff, Thoughts... |

15 Responses to “I now know where that came from…”

Brittney
Posted: May 21st, 2008 at 12:37 pm

Isn’t God simply amazing? Actually there is no simply when it comes to God. He is truly amazing!!!!! Your daughter will one day look back on this and pass it down to her child just as you have now. I wish you the best on the upcoming days as your daughter deals with her big sister moving. I remember when I moved here leaving my big sister in Texas. I even had to start sleeping with a night light, because I had always shared a room with my sister and now she wasn’t in the same room, wasn’t in the same house, wasn’t even in the same state. Its hard but just continue to love her and listen. Have a blessed and productive week!

Brittneys last blog post..God’s Wonders

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T with Honey
Posted: May 21st, 2008 at 1:43 pm

This post gave me chill bumps! It is so true that He works in mysterious ways.

T with Honeys last blog post..You Asked, T Answers - Part 1

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Annabelle
Posted: May 21st, 2008 at 2:04 pm

It’s neat how God prepared you for your daughter’s hurt. Bringing up the memory of how touched you were by your mom’s love for you so you could do the same for your daughter.

Annabelles last blog post..Grief

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franticallysimple
Posted: May 21st, 2008 at 4:59 pm

Wow! I love God. It’s amazing how he prepares us to fulfill our missions. And the way your mom taught you to love…wonderful.

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Amy
Posted: May 21st, 2008 at 5:58 pm

Heather, that was priceless. Had to chuckle at the end. God is amazing and go Cookey!

Amys last blog post..More WOAH OTH News

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jenn
Posted: May 21st, 2008 at 10:15 pm

how lucky your daughter is to have you as a mother. i am so glad you found yourself prepared to help her yesterday. with you at her side, i know she’ll get through it.

jenns last blog post..on a happier note…

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Petula
Posted: May 22nd, 2008 at 12:38 am

So very sweet… very sad… and very funny with the text number thing! Great post.

Petulas last blog post..He’s done it again

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Tishia Lee
Posted: May 22nd, 2008 at 6:15 am

This post touched me deep down in my heart, deep down in my soul…just deep down inside somewhere. I’m not sure why I’m sitting here wiping away the tears but I am. And then I get to the end and I’m giggling just thinking about you doing that and I’m reminded how much we are alike, because that’s so something I would do! LOL

Tishia Lees last blog post..Is Life Done Throwing Lemons at Me?

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