We made a fairly impromptu trip to Pennsylvania this weekend to see my Pap who is in the nursing home and to visit the BFF…. and oh yeah!  We went to Hershey Park too.

But the main point of the trip was to see my Pap.  His health is not good and with the school/sports season kicking back in, I knew that I wouldn’t have a free weekend to go in the foreseeable future.  The BFF and Hershey Park were simply a bonus because they are so close.

My grandfather was not how I remembered him the last time I saw him… when he lived on his own… in his own home.

He was noticably weak.  His hands shook.  And while he appreciated the milkshake that we brought him, it was hard to see him struggle with it.

He shares a room with another man.  They both have buzzers that for whatever reason, chose Saturday to malfunction.

His room is fairly empty except for the little trinkets that my mom sends and the pictures that she’s hung on the wall.  He has a television, but is sat in the corner, off.

He didn’t talk much.  In fact, he nodded off quite a bit while we were there visiting.

And the bad thing about it is, I didn’t inherit my mother’s gift for the elderly.  She is a saint.  She knows what to say.  She knows what to do.  She has a heart for older people.  It’s why she’s a geriatric nurse… although she’ll tell you that she does it because she’s just as confused as they are.

I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know what to say and I was very uncomfortable when there was silence.  And there was a lot of silence.

We took pictures to show him.  We talked about the kids.  We watched the kids push one another around in the wheelchair and when I noticed that he was continually falling alseep, I decided that perhaps we better go.

I felt so terribly guilty.  I had no where to be.  I could’ve spent more time with him.  But I didn’t know what to do.  He didn’t want to go for a walk around the building, it was raining outside.  No, he was quite content to sit in his recliner, where I’m told he spends all his time, and listen to me while nodding off.

As we left Chambersburg, we stopped for lunch and decided to actually go into McDonald’s and sit down as opposed to flying through the drive through and eating on the way to Harrisburg.  And as we were sitting there, I looked at both of my children and asked them to please not put me in a nursing home, that I would be content and good if one of them would take me in when I was no longer able to care for myself.

And that is when I heard the chorus of “not it’s”.

The lady behind me started to chuckle.

I spoke… almost as if I wanted them to decide right then and there.

“Just remember… my money goes with me.”

It was then that Matthew looked at Samara and Samara looked at Matthew.  I waited for both of them to fight over who would take me in many many years from now.

But she looked back at her Polly Pocket and he his transformer.

And I still don’t have anywhere to go when I’m old.

Until next time…

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