Originally posted December 17, 2007
Our family loves to be jolly… much laughter… and there isn’t one Christmas that has gone by without a gag gift…
This year is no different…
But it all started many, many years ago…
My mother doesn’t want me to tell this story. She’ll think that you all will think less of her as a mother, but if you are a mother, I bet that you’ve had a similar situation happen to you. I know I have. Like yesterday… but that’s neither here nor there.
Anywho, my brother and I, in true sibling fashion, were arguing, again. Mom had enough and told us, more than once, I might add, to stop. She was in the kitchen doing the dishes and she’d finally had it. She turned to the two of us, glass scrubber in hand, and yelled,
“If you two don’t stop it right now, I’m going to.. to… shove this dishwashing equipment down your throats!”
John and I looked at one another and immediately fell silent.
You know, my poor mother. I never realized just how not nice we were some times (sorry Mom! I’m getting it back 10 fold now I promise!)
We escaped my mother. We left her alone. But we were very quick to tattle to my father about what she’d said and how she’s threatened us when he returned home.
That Christmas there was a glass scrubber wrapped up for me.
The following year?
There was one wrapped up for him.
This went on for years until my mom finally asked us why we gave each other these dish scrubbers.
She had absolutely no recollection of this threat.
It’s been several years since my father or I have exchanged glass scrubbers so this year, I picked one up for him.
Then there’s my grandmother. She’s the coolest grandma ever, but she’s the butt of many jokes as well.
Once we gave my Dad porn, there was no stopping us.
So, last year, we had a little scandal here involving a weatherman who was fired for a nude picture on MySpace. He was shaving…not his face. I used to work with him and my mother knew him so I called to give her the gossip. She told my grandma and I jokingly said, “I’ve got the edited version” to which my grandma said, “Unless it’s the real deal, I don’t want it.” She was joking of course, but it left her wide open.
When the picture circulated around to all the former employees (we got it whether we wanted it or not), I printed it out, “autographed” it, framed it and wrapped it up for my grandmother.
Sometimes I worry that I’m going to give her a heart attack from laughing so hard.
This year, there’s no porn for any members of the family. But she is getting fart putty, an Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader activity pad and an arm tattoo, with a pirate on it…in addition to her real gift of course.
But there was also the year that we wanted to get one over on my mom and we didn’t. I’m so glad too, because it was the year that Christmas almost wasn’t…. but she’d been asking for a rotary cutter and cutting mat for her quilting. Dad sent us out to get them and they looked so much like placemats and pizza cutters, that we almost bought that for her…
Did I mention I was glad we didn’t do that?
Last year, Dad wrapped up a 50% off coupon for mom.
We do stupid stuff like that.
However, this year, I’ve heard that Grandma is fighting back and there’s something funny for me…
And that’s something that I just can’t wait to see…
Until next time…