Today, I’m pleased to bring you Patricia from the TT Diaries. To be honest, I’m not sure which blog hop I found her through, but I’m so glad I did. And when I put a call out for people who might want to trade spaces with me, she instantly said yes. (Meaning she must like me, yes? That’s what I’m banking on!) And to top it all off? She just lives right up the road from me!
If you’re looking for me today, I’m over at the TT Diaries, talking about how sometimes I feel like calling it quits when it comes to this whole mom thing!
Without further adieu, I bring you Patricia…
Have you ever been on a play date or at the park and your child hit another child?
And what is your first thought?
For most of us the very first thought or feeling is guilt. Yes we might correct our child but we feel the guilt. THE MOMMY GUILT!!!!
We feel as though we have done something wrong, like we didn’t instill the proper etiquette or moral behavior in our children. It is amazing how many thoughts we can process in a split second. We can go from guilt over our child’s behavior, to blaming our own self, to how we will correct our child properly.
We as mother’s torment ourselves. We think if we are not able to do it like someone else we admire then we are not doing it good enough. I am speaking from experience here. I see moms all of the time that I admire and I ask my self how in the world they are able to do so many things in a 24 hour period. You know the ones I am talking about, you see them in the grocery store. They are dressed perfectly, hair done just right, make up, jewelry, and their child sits in the cart like an angel. All while you are in your sweats, tennis shoes, hair is a mess, and your child is screaming for a sucker.
Why are we so quick to compare ourselves to other mothers? How do we know that the mother we see in the grocery store isn’t having a particularly good day? Maybe being dressed like that is out of character for her. Or maybe she has found a way to give herself the time she needs to get dressed up, like waking earlier in the morning.
I know what you are going to say. Yea, but I am friends with some women who do this type of thing all of the time. Their house is perfect, their kids act great, they are always on time and dressed nice. Why can’t I be more like that? The answer is you only know what they want you to know. Everyone has flaws somewhere in their life and some are VERY good at hiding them.
In all actuality us women who are willing to show our flaws might just have it together better than those who hide them. Of course that is not always the case but I am sure frequently it is. The truth of the matter is that we are women are so hard on ourselves and doubly as hard on other women. We criticize each other on our parenting, our clothes, our hair, our relationships, and our choices. Let me first explain that I am not pointing a finger when I say that because for sure I have done it and I am just as guilty. My question is why?????
Why are we are women so hard on other women? Why do we demean and break down the very people we should be joining forces with? I will tell you the reason that I think it is. It is really sort of like High School, we think if we degrade the other women that we somehow make ourselves look better. Because if she is a bad mom for not breastfeeding and I breastfeed then of course I am a AWESOME mom. It is pure jealousy and I am not afraid to admit it. Because when I see that mom in the grocery store my first thought is “why can’t I look like that?” Followed quickly by “I bet she doesn’t spend half the time with her kids that she should cause she is too busy getting all dressed up to go to the darn grocery store.” When my first thought should be “good for her for taking some time for herself to make herself feel good.”
I truly believe this is one of the main reasons we have mommy guilt, because we fear what others think of us. We fear particularly what other women think of us. I know that is not the only reason for mommy guilt but I am quite sure it is a very big part.
I am learning slowly that love and compassion go a whole lot farther then my jealousy. By tearing down the barriers that I made around myself towards other women I have made great friends. Women I never would have allowed myself to associate with before because of my prejudices. I have also found that I am more open about my mommy guilt. Instead of keeping it to myself I have more friends with many different perspectives to help me think through my mommy guilt.
So I am going to ask you do you think that you can be easier on other women around you and broaden your horizons. I promise you will make many new friends. But better still can you be easier on yourself? Can you know that if you love your children with all of your heart and give them your best that you are a good mom regardless of what the world says you should be doing?
And can you…..
Until Next Time
Love,
TT
Hello my name is Patricia Robertson. I am the author of The TT Diaries. I love blogging about my family,my business, and life in general. I am a happily married mother of four children ranging in age from 12 to 5. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home Mom thanks to be a Independent Consultant for Perfectly Posh. I hope you enjoyed my post. If you have any questions or just want to chat feel free to contact me via email at 6believers@gmail.com
I surely do like you. We are going to have to get together soon for lunch. And I ABSOLUTELY LOVE your post on my blog. Please if you haven’t go check it out.