It’s Complicated…

itscomplicated I’ll admit I’m one of those people who roll their eyes and release a guffaw when I see someone change their relationship status to “it’s complicated” on Facebook.

Because really?

If your relationship is that complicated, Facebook probably isn’t the place to announce that, and you should probably just select “single.”

But, as a stepmother, dealing with the relationships within our realms, there is no other way to describe it:

It’s complicated.

There are days that you are loved and there are days that you aren’t.  There are moments when you wish you could stop time and relish in the feeling forever and then there are the days that you are sitting in the driveway of your own home, afraid to go inside.

Now, I realize that most biological mothers can say the same thing, but when you add the complexity of the relationships with those that don’t reside within the four walls of you home…

That’s when it gets crazy.

And while I know it’s crazy because I live it every day, I didn’t realize the level of crazy it really was until I saw it played out in this video by Ron Deal and Family Life Blended.

(Take three minutes and watch this…seriously… especially if you don’t come from a blended family.. it provides so much insight)

You see, the complications come from simple math (I’ve always disliked math!)

It’s a home divided, then multiplied, and sometimes divided again wreaking havoc on anyone involved in the situation.

Yes.  It’s complicated.

And it’s a blessing AND a curse when someone tells me I make it look so easy.

Because it’s not easy.  And I struggle.  And I fail.

I fail my husband.  I fail my children. I fail my stepchildren.  I fail their biological mother.  I fail myself.

It would be very easy to live in the pit of my failures and allow them to define me.

But I have learned that it is in the time that I chose NOT to live in the “it’s complicated” realm that I find myself with the most joy.  It’s in the time that I embrace the chaos of our family and the complexity that I feel most at peace with our situation.

“A smart stepmom is prepared.  She isn’t naive or ambushed by complex stepfamily issues and is flexible to cope with matters that she didn’t see coming.” – Laura Petherbridge, co-author of The Smart Stepmom

Yes, it’s complicated.

But complicated doesn’t have to have a negative connotation.  In our case, with the complication, also come many blessings.

So if I were have to select a status for our family for all the world to see, I would select “in a relationship” – because I have chosen this relationship – the ups and the downs.  I have chosen to pursue a relationship with my husband, his children, and ultimately?  His ex-wife. (Oh, and I’ll dive a little deeper into that realization later.)

And even though it’s complicated?

I’m all in.


Today’s Resource:  Family Life Blended


Published by

Heather Jacobson St.Clair

Heather is a mostly sane mother, step-mother, and wife. She works part-time on staff at the neighborhood church serving children, teens, and families and moonlights by geeking around building and fixing Wordpress websites. She loves reading and writing, but not arithmetic (including helping with arithmetic homework). Striving to be the woman/wife/mother God calls her to be, she blogs here about life, NKOTB, faith and salvation through humor. She's slightly addicted to her iPhone, Sunny D and she's never met a potato she didn't like.

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