I just finished watching the premiere of 90210. I liked it all with the exception of Brenda. I didn’t like her then, I don’t like her now and I fear that Annie will be the next Brenda, which sucks because I like Annie.
I feel some what stupid for even watching as in 1990, I was in the 8th grade. I wanted to be like the high schoolers that were on the show. I wanted to live in California. Shoot, I wanted to live anywhere but here.
My how times have changed.
And of course, it wouldn’t be so bad except that prior to watching 90210, I spent all day listening to the new NKOTB album.
Yes, I have to be prepared.
Donnie and I rendevous in 30 days.
I can’t wait to tell my youth kids that the New Kids did a song with Acorn. (Yes, I know his name is Akon, but my youth kids LOVE when I call him Acorn. They think I’m old and don’t know his name, but really? I just like getting a rise out of them.)
So, for now, I think I’m going to go to bed.
I don’t know how much more of the 90s I can stand. Short of 90210, NKOTB, and a few other things which have yet to make a comeback and I’m hoping they won’t, I hated the 90s.
But 2008 is turning out to be a great year.
Now, if I could get them to bring back Saved By the Bell: the nursing home years I think I would be in heaven.
Until next time…
I have to be honest and let you know that when I wrote the letter to Donnie, I really did assume he was still married.
Happily, I might add. I just like to create situations in my mind to suit me. It’s nicer that way.
But after a grueling day all around, I came home to find an email from Sara.
The subject simply said “NKOTB”
But the message?
“It’s meant to be… :)”
And then?
Oh my word. What followed was information that made me happier than the day Kenny Chesney and Renee Zelwigger split.
It was a link.
To a news story.
That announced….
DONNIE WAHLBERG IS GETTING A DIVORCE!!!!
Know why?
I’m sure it’s because he read my letter.
The power of the internet is an amazing thing.
You can read all about it here…
but back off girls…
he (and all his money) is mine.
But I’ll totally invite all of you to the wedding and to all the fabulous parties we’ll have at our mansion, and totally make them have concerts where you live so that I can come and meet you…
Until next time…
Last night, the Hidden Valley Titans took to the fields donned in their blue and gold uniforms for the first time this season. They also stepped on to the field that they had never played on before… the high school field. (Which is really at the middle school… but we’re a little backwards around these parts.)
Among those was number 68, Matthew Jacobson who is a guard. (Please don’t ask me what that means. I probably know more about soccer than football, which really isn’t saying a whole lot.)
Their names aren’t on the backs of their jerseys yet, so it made it a little more difficult to find him but when he took the field, I couldn’t have been more proud.
I snapped a few pictures too of him at the game, because what kind of mother would I be, if I didn’t?
I even made it easier for you to find him, because I’m nice like that… and because I don’t think any of you should have to go through the trouble… i mean, he’s not your kid, is he?
And I don’t want you to think that he’s the small, skinny white kid on the field, because he’s not. THAT kid can move. Matthew just guards people… which is probably why he’s called a guard, ya think?
Brilliant, I tell ya.
I have to tell you, the one thing I don’t like about the big field is that I can’t get up close and personal with my camera, although those aren’t so bad.
So there’s my guard. My man. My child who broke a helmet in practice this week while it was on his head.
To quote Fussy “that’s hardcore, As a fellow Football Mamma, I am proud. {{fist bump}”
The boys played an awesome game against their rivals. And, had they been keeping score, it would’ve ended 18-0… shut them out, skunked them, oh so proud. Our boys just ran and ran and ran. They’re awesome like that.
But at one point in the game the flag was dropped. False start.
Last year, the boys struggled with this alot. In fact, they worked on it so much that I know what it is, when and why they call it and have begun to look for it. It makes me feel smart when I can call it on my own.
I commented to the Dad sitting next to me, “I feel sorry for the child who did that… they are going to get an ear full after the game.”
Do you know what happens when you make comments like that?
I should never make comments like that.
After the game, Matthew farted around on the side lines. All the other boys were gone, with their parents and there stood Matthew, with his sister who had pranced across the field to join him. One might think that she raced over there with glee to congratulate him on his win, but she didn’t. That’s not how she operates.
There are BOYS on those sidelines and she only uses her brother as an excuse to be there.
(Johnny, my dearest brother, I am so so so so so so sorry that I did this to you.)
I call for him from across the field, as it’s empty now and my voice will carry.
He dilly dallies.
I call for him again and finally he arrives looking like this.
Now I ask you… does that look like the boy who just beat the pants off his rival? His attitude matched the picture. I asked what was wrong and I got his standard “I don’t want to talk about it.”
That phrase doesn’t fly with me. AT. ALL.
Turns out he made a bad play on the field. But he was mumbling and mad and frustrated and then I heard the dreaded two words that I did not want to hear.
FALSE START.
OMG that was my kid!!!!!
After feeling horrible about my comment to the other dad, I attempted to tell Matthew that it’s okay to make mistakes but that you learn from them and move on.
“But Mom, it was so stupid. He looked me in the face and said ‘on 2′” Matthew said.
“And we all make mistakes, honey. Learn from it, move on, and don’t take your anger out on the rest of us. There’s nothing you can do to take it back and there’s nothing you can do to change it so there’s no sense dwelling on it.” I replied.
I’m a mom of lots of advice that I don’t take.
So we get home and I twitter about the game and Gary responds.
(Side note about Gary. I used to work with Gary, although I’m not sure that he remembers me. Maybe he does, who knows. I’m werid in that I can pass people that I went to high school with, never spoke to, and know exactly who they are. It’s a never forget a face kinda thing. Except important faces, I forget those… sigh… but I went looking at Gary’s blog today…he’s got a son. He’s adorable. The son is. Well, Gary is too… he hasn’t changed a bit.)
Anywho, Gary tells me that I need to tell Matthew about hall of famer Jim “Wrong Way” Marshall.
So we google Mr. Marshall and guess what this guy did? Talk about a major mess up! Jim recoved a fumbled ball and ran it into the WRONG endzone, scoring a safety for the other team. (Don’t ask me what a safety is.)
And he’s in the hall of fame.
So I told Matthew all about it and now I think that he’s feeling a bit better about it.
Thank you Gary! See, as a mom, I would NEVER know about this stuff to tell them….not when it comes to boy stuff and sports. These antidotes to make everything better.
Then we went and watched Drillbit Taylor. And laughed.
So, when Matthew wins the Heisman Trophy or goes to Disney World because he just won the Superbowl, feel free to use him as an example of how good football players make mistakes.
Consider it my public service.
Until next time…
Dear Jean:
Congratulations! You won the NKOTB CD. Or I guess you could pick the Amazon.com Gift card if you wanted, but that would really disappoint me because you’re like my NKOTB BFF and I was so pleased that random.org picked you and not someone who would be unappreciative like Becki or Soliloquy. Not that I don’t love either of them dearly, but seriously? They just have no taste in music, IMO.
So, kindly send me your address and I’ll order it and, because I got a free trial of this special shipping program from Amazon (in which they will get $79 of my hard earned dollars doing blog installs because I will forget to cancel one month from Thursday, when I got the free trial because I wanted to ship something over night and didn’t want to pay for it) you will have the CD in no time flat.
Hangin’ Tough,
Heather
*************
Dear Members of the Fury:
Girls, I’m sorry. I know that I’m your coach, but really, I was only supposed to be a coach in name only. That’s the way that it was supposed to work. The other two coaches weren’t supposed to go off camping in August and miss a practice and leave me there all by myself to teach you how to play a better game.
I’m not sure I could teach you how to play a mediocre game. You already know that you’re supposed to go down the field kicking the ball (otherwise known as dribbling), controlling it, until you get close enough to the goal to kick it (shot on goal) and try to score.
But we played alot of games today and I hope that you at least had fun with those. Because really? I see myself as the coach who wants you to come back and play next year and the year after that because you’re having fun. So hopefully, that’s what happened.
And I have a slight confession to make. I know that I said we were going to end practice early because it was hot. In reality, I ended it because I didn’t know what else to do with you and while we were stretching, I ripped a huge hole in the crotch of my jeans, and I was self-conscious about it.
I’ll see you Monday!
Love,
Coach Heather
*********
Dear Parents of the Fury:
I really hope that you all aren’t parents that want your rec soccer coaches to teach your children how to play well because you are banking on a soccer scholarship to put them through school. If you are, I’m am totally sorry, but I explained to the directors of the programs that I’ve not played in 25 years and that I didn’t know what I was doing and they said that it was fine.
So, please complain to them if you feel that you need to. But thank you to those of you who have told me that you are grateful that I am even coaching, because despite my lack of soccer coaching abilities, I do care about your daughters and I do want them to have fun and love me.
Love,
Coach Heather
PS. No, I don’t know when we will get our uniforms or our schedules and yes, I realize that we have a game next Saturday, and pictures and the big opening day celebratioin. Trust me, no one wants that schedule more than me because my son also has opening day festivities next weekend and I need to know whether or not the games will over lap. I promise, as soon as I get them, I will sent them on to you.
*********
Dear Coach J and Coach C:
I hope you both had a great time camping with your families this weekend. You were greatly missed today at soccer practice. When you get back, could you explain to me a few things? And can you not miss the same practice and/or game again? I would appreciate it.
Love,
Your co-coach
*********
Dear Subway Sandwhich Maker:
We don’t frequent your establishment often, really because it’s not close to much, and you don’t have a drive thru. We were there today simply because we were hungry and at at Wal-Mart and since you’re located within WalMart and serve food, we ate there.
I’m sure we’re not the only family who orders a foot long sub for $5 to split. Economically, it makes sense. Neither Matthew or I really need to eat a foot long by ourselves and since we like the same sandwich, we order it.
Please don’t ask me five times if that will be all when I’ve already told you four other times that all we want is one foot long sub, made in to a meal. I realize that there are three of us and that meal deal works perfect for us, especially when we add a pretzel to it, as we did today.
We share.
What you might not realize is that I was about to spend a boatload of dollars on school supplies and things that my children HAVE to have so that they won’t be made fun of because their mother bought the cheap stuff. (Ok, so that was a lie, I was planning on buying them the cheap stuff, anyway.) But the point is, I am cheap, frugal if you will, and I can’t see spending all that money at Subway if I don’t have to.
Love,
The mother who just purchased one meal for her 3 person family
*********
Dear Nice Old Lady at Wal-Mart:
I’m so sorry about the traffic jam that we caused today while you were trying so hard to get through so that you could go and get your Geritol. Seriously, there is no excuse for us to take up the whole main aisle that connects people from the front of the store to the pharmacy, pet supplies and toy section.
However, in my defense, I think that we should take it up with Wal-Mart because who in their right mind puts the school supply lists right there where every one stops to find their school supply list? There was a much better space for them right next to customer service when you walk in the door.
Yes, I know that it was quite obvious that we had printed out our school supply lists before we even embarked on our trip to hell to the school supply aisles at WalMart, however, what you might not understand is that last year, I printed off the wrong list and bought my daughter the wrong school supplies, and I’ve not yet heard the end of it. So did we really need to block traffic trying to find the school supply list for Green Valley?
Yes. Yes we did. Because I am incompetent in printing a list, taking it to the store and purchasing the supplies that my children will need.
But thank you. Thank you for smiling and not being a jerk like the little old man behind you. I appreciate that and I hope that you are blessed in some unexpected way today.
Love,
The incompetent school supply shopper
*********
Dear Little Old Man Behind the Nice Sweet Lady:
You’re a jerk. Period. But, because I’m a Christian, I hope that God blesses you in some unexpected way today as well, because maybe then, you could put a smile on your face. I think you would look so much better with one.
Love,
the lady with children that caused the traffic jam
*********
Dear Lady Shopping For Little Boys Cowboy Boots:
I don’t work in the shoe department. Moreover, I don’t work for Wal-Mart period. (If I did, I would’ve moved the school supply lists.) They wear blue tee-shirts that say Wal-Mart on them, not gray tee-shirts that say Hidden Valley Cheerleading. While I did still have my coaches badge on with the blaze orange whistle that I found in the boating section of Dick’s because I could not find a whistle anywhere else in the store, I’m not sure how that would make you think that I worked for Wal-Mart.
However, I shrugged it off and politely told you that I didn’t work for Wal-Mart the first time you asked me.
I can assure you though that in between the first time you asked me and the second time you asked me, I did not walk to customer service, apply for a job in the shoe department and begin work immediately and I don’t appreciate the look that you gave me when I told you the second time that I didn’t work for Wal-Mart.
If I knew if Wal-Mart sold little boys cowboy boot or where they were, I might have told you, but since I was trying to aid my daughter in selecting the perfect pair of Hannah Montanna sneakers, I was not able to stop and help you.
Additionally? Your grandson doesn’t want them. I know you kept telling him that they were cute and he would look so dashing in his jeans and cowboy boots at school on the first day but I’m pretty sure he knew that the belt with the large buckle was coming next and that he would be beaten up and his lunch money would’ve been stolen. I realize that it’s “in” some places, but I saw your school supply list (which I’m really hoping you didn’t tie up the line like we did to obtain the list) and he doesn’t go to a school where that is readily accepted.
Please do your grandson a favor and skip the boots. Even though they are sold at WalMart… in the aisle right across from the boys sneakers. Open your eyes and you might see them. There were tons of them.
Love,
The lady that most definitely NOT work at Wal-Mart
*********
Dear TRUE Wal-Mart Employee who was working in the shoe department:
I’m sorry. I am so terribly sorry about the day you’re having today. It was never my intention to have eleventy-two pairs of shoes strewn about in the girls’ athletic and casual section today. I try to control my daughter when it comes to shoes, but I can’t seem to get control over her. She sees shoes and something happens that I can’t explain. It’s like a drug and with all the red clearance tags, she went nuts trying on every pair of shoes in a size 3 (and some 2s because there were no 3s and she loved them) while I was trying to help my older son in the next aisle over.
I could see how frustrated you were as you had to weave in and out of the half empty boxes on the floor and I did make her pick them all up before we left the department with our brand new Hannah Montanna sneakers (which are perfect by the way) but I know my daughter well enough to know that she did not put them back where she found them and I saw you rearranging everything when we had to come back by that way looking for the tissues because we could NOT leave your store until we had the tissues.
Couple the havoc we wreaked on the shoe department and the lady looking for cowboy boots, I know that this is one of the days that you probably hate your job, but please know that you are appreciated, because I love to come to the store when everything is nice and organized.
Love,
The mother of a shoe whore
PS. I think you could really show upper management how smart you are when you tell them that you have a great idea on where the school supply lists should be moved. Perhaps you could also work with the schools on deals with Wal-Mart for mass ordering of school supplies.
*********
Dear Kindergarten Mom:
It’s so cute to watch you with your daughter as you ask her which crayons that she wants… Crayola is good, but the Lisa Frank packaging is so much cooler for a girl. And the pencils? Oh there were so many choices, and you were so patient with her and so proud of her when she selected the ones that she wanted.
I need to tell you something though. Enjoy this year. Enjoy the back to school shopping time that you are having because it’s not always going to be the rainbows and puppies experience that you are experiencing this year.
I know that you think I’m crazy, but I’m not. Well, I am, but not when it comes to this. I know how excited you are. You’re going to take your time picking out the school supplies, making sure that everything is just perfect for your little angel’s first day of school.
You’re going to take all the newly purchased items home and she is going to go through them time and time again because she is excited about the first day of school. You’re going to label them all with her name (even though most everything will be dumped in the community bin so it doesn’t matter that her pencils are pretty, she’ll probably get stuck with the generic #2 that Billy Jo brought who has 2 older brothers) and then you’re going to place them all in that new, purple back pack that I eyed in your cart which is 10x too big for your child.
You’re going to send her off next week right after you take pictures to email to everyone and their brother and then you’ll probably cry for a little bit because you can’t believe that you’re sending your child off to school and go back in the house to care for your infant and relish in the fact that you’ll have him at home for 4 more years.
I know this is how it is because I’ve been there. But let me assure you. Over the next few years you’re going to be like me. You’re going to have a game plan before you enter the store. You’re going to have a budget and you’re going to not care if the pencils are pretty. All you’re going to care about is that they write and how fast you can get in and out of there.
And when you have both of them in school? Forget it. You’ll be writing to the school as I am about to do, begging for an easier way to do this. Hopefully, though, you’ll never go to the store with the wrong list. I promise you, it will never be forgotten.
But I still enjoyed watching you and your daughter today. It brought back memories of when I enjoyed this.
Love,
The Veteran School Supply Shopper
PS. Your kids are gorgeous. Seriously. Gorgeous. I would love to see your daughter’s first day of school picture.
*********
Dear Shelly:
I’m sorry that I yelled in your ear while we were at Staples. I didn’t want to go to Staples today because there is just too much cool school stuff in there but they didn’t have 1/2″ binders at Wal-Mart, of which Matthew needed 4 in different colors.
I really didn’t mean to yell in your ear and I kept trying to walk away from my daughter who obviously has no concept that when I’m on the phone she shouldn’t ask me for a locker mirror, despite the fact that she has no, you know, locker. But she just wouldn’t stop, and by that point in time, we’d been at this for more than 2 hours and I wanted to be home.
Thank you for calling to check on me. I appreciate it more than you know.
Love,
Heather
*********
Dear Green Valley:
I just found out that there were no fees this year and I think that’s great. While it won’t really make a difference in the money that I spend on Sam, Matt’s fees were out of control. But let’s talk about fees for a minute because I have a suggestion and I think it might actually work.
What do you think about collecting a school supply fee and then ordering en masse for the entire school?
Don’t laugh! You can probably get them cheaper if you order in bulk, cheaper than we would ever be able to buy things even if we did price match, comparison shop, coupon and buying everything sporadically based on when it was on sale. And every child would have the same supplies so there no child would envy someone else’s pencil box or binder. It’s almost the same approach as Private School Uniforms, which if you want to institute that, I’d be your biggest supporter, but I really think that if you all handled the school supplies, the world would be a much happier place.
That and it would ensure that some stupid parent wouldn’t download the wrong list and purchase all the wrong supplies.
And I would pay any amount of money to make this happen, so you could even make a little money off of it in the process. A fund raiser that’s practical! There you go. No more magazine sales or that stupid, rip-off wrapping paper that you try to pawn off on us in the spring and the fall.
I might even have a contact for you at Wal-Mart. She’s currently working in the shoe department.
I’m sure other parents would go for it as well, so could you please pencil that in on the agenda for the first PTA meeting?
Thanks much!
Love,
A former PTA board member and disgruntled school supply shopper
*********
Dear Matthew and Samara:
I had some strange expectation that today would be some sort of bonding time for us today, much like it was 7 years ago when I started purchasing school supplies. I am sorry that I lost my temper more than once in the stores with you all, or with the store, or with the jerk who was rude.
But you have to understand, I can’t afford the $9 binders and the $3 folders. Acutally, I can afford it, but I won’t because you don’t take care of the expensive stuff you own now and so I’m sure that these items would be lost in your room or on the bus or who knows where your possissions dissappear to. And I don’t have time to take you to Wal-Mart, Staples, KMart, WalGreens, and the other stores that had all the pretty back to school ads i the paper this week to see who had the best selection of High School Musical folders.
Sam, you have to use the spiral notebooks that cost a nickel. And yes, I did spend 50 cents more and buy 10 additional notebooks because at some point in time someone is going to need a notebook. And yes, I realize that I will store them some where and forget where I put them, thereby making me go out and purchase another notebook for $1.
It’s just how I work guys. I’m sorry.
But if I blow all of our money on the fancy stuff then we don’t get to do cool things like go to Hershey Park for the weekend, or go to Mississippi or all the other cool stuff that we get to go and do. And I know you don’t really care about all this, and that you really wanted the tie-dyed binder, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s just not important.
Don’t worry though, I’ve made a suggestion to the school so that the other kids won’t make fun of your plain Bic pens. Because I care.
And please don’t ever fret about me buying your cowboy boots. Because I would NEVER do that to you. However, in return, you must be happy with the Staples brand pencils. I’m sorry. Deal with it.
All my love,
Your Mother
Dear Donnie:
Do you know that I’ll be seeing you in 52 more wake ups? FIFTY-TWO. We’re less than two months away. I’m very excited. I get busy sometimes and forget about the tickets that are tucked away in my bill box.
What? You laugh because you think that because they are in the bill box that I’ll lose them, but I won’t. I know right where they are.
Ok, Donnie. I just wrote where they were so that when I’m trying to get out the door that afternoon, to begin my four hour drive for our rendevous, and I don’t remember where they are that you can tell me. I don’t want to panick that day. I want that day, October 2nd, to be perfect.
Just like they were perfect 15 years ago. I’m taking the day off for you. To prepare myself and to drive up there. I tell Becki that I’m excited because I’ll get to see her, and while that is an added bonus, to see the BFF, I have to be honest. I’m there for you. And only you.
My kahki eye shadow will be applied just perfect. My lashes will be long thanks to my Lash Blast Mascara, the kind in the orange tube and my lips? Oh wait until you see my lips. You see, I’ve had a professional Mary Kay representative give me a makeover on my lips. Now I never leave home without my lips.
I’ve been lurking on your blog. I know it’s called the NKOTB blog, but really, Donnie. We know the group would not be the group with out you. We don’t need to beat around the bush about it and I swear, I won’t go broadcasting that to the world, but let’s be honest with one another, m’kay? Honesty is the best policy in any relationship.
On your blog you keep talking about how you’re not going to run from the fans anymore. I didn’t know that you used to run from them before, but it makes sense. You knew that my mother would not allow me to wait outside for you to board the tour bus so that I could at least get a glimpse of you. There was no reason to come and see the fans because you knew that I wouldn’t be there.
But this time, Donnie. Come find me. Because I’ll be there. Becki doesn’t know this yet, but you know I’m not bringing the kids with me.
Yes, I know it would be good bonding time and I do want them to meet you. But in due time. We need time for ourselves. Again, it’s very important in a relationship.
Becki has no idea that I plan to stand out in the parking lot or that I’ll try to weasel my way backstage. She’ll be mortified to be seen with me when she starts seeing how I’ll act. But she’ll get over it. She always does. She loves me. And when I walk down the aisle, as she stands at the end as my Matron of Honor, she’ll realize that it was all worth it.
Donnie, I can’t wait to see you. Fifty-two days.
I hope you’re just as excited as I am.
All My Love,
Heather
PS. I know that your NKOTB Greatest Hits Album comes out today, but really? Don’t you think that’s kinda lame? It’s the same album as was already out with four additional songs by other people. Come on now. I know, we’ll buy it. It doesn’t matter that we already have the album. It’s a new cover.
PPS. Can’t wait to see you!
****
I’ve always wanted to know what it felt like to be a stalker. I don’t really feel this way all the time. However, I am excited about the concert in October… very excited, not only to see NKOTB but also to see Becki and spend time with her. I miss her. And I LOVE spending time with her. Don’t you think she should move here? I do. Tell her that, okay?
And in honor of the release of NKOTB’s Greatest Hits Album, I’m giving one away! (Ok, ok, I know not all of you are NKOTB fans, so for those of you who aren’t, how about a $15 Amazon Gift Card? Will that work?) All you have to do is leave a comment on this post letting me know what celebrity you crush over and you’ll be entered to win. I’ll close the comments Friday at midnight and you do need to be in the United States to win.
Until next time…
I asked you if I was crazy…
I should’ve waited until after the clinic tonight. Because then I would’ve had my answer and I wouldn’t of had to ask. The answer would’ve been perfectly clear.
Yes.
I am crazy.
(But thanks to those of you who told me that I was not crazy and a wonderful mom. It made me all warm and fuzzy.)
So, I arrive at the clinic tonight wearing, what else? My Desperately Seeking Sanity shirt that says, “I love giving homemade gifts, which one of the kids would you like?”
I would like to say that it was because I wanted to advertise my site, but the reality of it is, it was the only clean tee-shirt that was big and long…
And the reason that I needed a big and long tee-shirt? Well becuase the only shorts that I have are my gym shorts… kinda like the bicylce shorts? And well, I don’t like tight things or shorts, so I needed something to cover my hips.
Coach Betsy makes all the coaches come stand with her and introduce ourselves. Guess who forgot what her team name was?
FURY. (The stupidest name for a team.)
As I look down the line, I realize that short of Coach Betsy, the head of the organization, Jennifer and I are the only two women.
I also realize that my shirt has a huge stain on it. Which I did not realize that when I walked out of the house and now I’m standing in front of all these parents with an odd, off-white mark covering my boob.
Wonderful.
And so Jennifer and I stood there while they showed the kids a few moves.
First up the Matthews… big toe, big toe, little toe. I couldn’t figure out what they meant by big toe and little toe. Eventually it dawned on me that we’re talking about the toe that you hit the ball with. Silly me… I thought you hit the ball with your foot.
I was not aware that we got specific. Now I know.
Then the rollover. Okay, I think. I can do this. When they break us up, I can help them with these moves.
Hold up! Wait a minute….
What did he just call that move? A Queef? No… a coif? I don’t know… I tried to look it up and couldn’t find anything but I do know that when you’re doing this move, the way you stand much resembles how someone would stand if they had to pee.
It’s not attractive.
At all.
So they separated us. Jennifer (my co-coach) had the brilliant idea that we should separate because we would both be learning different things. I panicked. I didn’t know the guy that I was with. I didn’t know how to play soccer. I didn’t know what I was doing.
Wouldn’t be so bad if the kids would have.
But they didn’t. Except the 10 year old boy who came over and showed me how to do the moves in slow motion, repeatedly.
I’m thinking that it should’ve been the other way around?
When we gathered back up as a group before the games began, I looked at Jennifer and might have mentioned that I felt like crying. I had no clue what I was doing.
Her response?
Neither do they so don’t feel bad.
And then we paired up and played games, but my group had an odd number of kids, so I got to be a partner to Fancy Feet. This is what I will always call her. Because her feet do things that are unnatural.
The rules were simple. Get the ball away from your opponent. Easy enough, right?
I chased her around for a good 10 minutes. She was nice though… she slowed down when she realized that I was huffing and puffing, dribbling the ball and doing all this fancy foot work. And when I got my second wind and revved up again, she took off.
I never did get the ball.
An hour and a half later, we were done. I hobbled to the car and when Sam asked if we could stop for ice cream, I didn’t think twice.
Crazy people love ice cream.
Until next time…
At some point in time I decided that I was going to start taking random pictures of things that struck me as funny, odd, or down right insane.
I’m not sure when…
Oh yes I do.
It was here…
When Burger King wanted me to PAY to pee. Wasn’t happening. I’ll hold it before I pay a quarter to use the facilities.
As I snapped the picture, because this was so foreign to me, I decided that I was going to start taking random pictures… just to take.
Lucky you, this is where they will end up.
So, here are all the things that I found fascinating while I was in San Francisco….
The ferry was extremely cold, but it didn’t seem to bother her…
One of my favorite things about San Francisco was the street performers. I could’ve gone broke if I paid then what their talent deserved because they were all just so darn talented… and adorable… like this gentleman, who posed for me and held the note as I snapped the picture…
I’ve always wondered what I should do with the drain rack and the pots and pans in the kitchen and now I know. I can set them all up in the middle of a big city and play them. Because honestly? That would be so much more fun than actually using them for what they were intended for.
While this gal was certainly interesting to look at, I’m not sure that she deserves any money for standing on the sidewalk completely still. Well, yes she should. I could never stand still for that long with all that crap on. She really did look like a robot.
And this guy? Sure, he looks like a statue. But might I offer some advice? Next time, don’t spray paint yourself where you’re going to stand…. it kinda gives it away.
And when I saw this? I stopped dead in my tracks because all 31 year old women get excited when they see pirate ships.. don’t they? They do when they are hopping Captain Jack Sparrow is aboard. Actually, I thought more of the ending scene of Goonies… and then I searched my pockets for rubies. But there weren’t any. I think that’s when I snapped back into reality.
Here is the perfect definition of a multi-tasker. He plays all this stuff at once. How?
and is this not the coolest Mickey D’s sign that you’ve ever seen? Seriously.. isn’t it?
And while we’re looking at signs… do you stop in the middle of busy city streets to get the perfect angle of a photo that you want to share on your blog?
I do.
Now, did I mention how cold it was in San Francisco while I was there? (Apparently, it’s warmed up this week.) Some people must not have checked the weather before venturing outside…
I’m thinking he asked what he should wear while riding a bike… and the person he asked was not aware that his bike was a MOTORCYCLE… and i think he has a fake tan. He’s awfully orange.
At least she’s smart and is wearing a hat… because you know that’s where all the heat escapes your body.
This is a tour… can you believe it? I was amazed. There’s a little tour guide up there talking into a helmet mic and then all these little people on wheels following her. I have never seen anything like it.
I would like to tell you that these people were ones that I met and spoke to but they aren’t. They are just two random people that I shutter stalked on the ferry on the way home. I would also like to tell you that they are just huddled together because it was so freaking cold and windy, but they are obviously very much in love….
Gag me.
And does it look like that ship will fit under the bridge? No. I didn’t think so. But apparently it did and it was just the angle that concerned us because I checked the news in San Fran after the conference and the Golden Gate is still intact.
Now, I’m going to warn you about this next (and last) picture. If you have small eyes peeking over your shoulder because my new design is so bright and colorful and your children can’t stop looking, make them not look now. Because it’s not exactly kid friendly but I was so in shock when I saw it that I couldn’t help but take a picture.
I was sitting on the floor at my gate at SFO. I was so tired. I was near tears. All I wanted to do was get on that plane so that I could go to sleep when out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something shiny; something sparkly.
From my floor view, I saw the gold heels first. As I looked up, I saw her cheeks and dimples.
And all I wanted to scream was “just because you can, doesn’t mean you should…” and I have to wonder if she knew that she was the talk of gate 82 at SFO that night…
Until next time…
BlogHer was fun.
Spending time with Sally, Celia and their kids was even more fun.
Seriously.
While I never felt that I found my place at BlogHer, I definately felt at home and a part of the home that rested on the top of a mountain in Marin.
For those of you who don’t know, I met Sally online several years ago. At first it was a business acquaintance but over time, she became a friend. She’s been through a lot with me including spending time on the phone with me and the BFF right after the dramatic end of my last serious relationship. She’s also given me sound advice on men since then. Which is comical for many reasons, but I love Sally to death.
And now, I have a place in my heart for the rest of her family.
After picking me up from the airport, Sally and I went to the BlogHer Newbie Mixer where I practically attacked Backpacking Dad. It wasn’t for any other reason than I actually recognized him and I only started reading his blog after his fan-freakin-tastic chapter over at Chapter Bytes. After we both admitted that we were the type of people that would gladly stand and talk to the same person all night so as to avoid actually TALKING to other people, we parted ways. Sally and I went to grab a bite to eat and I had to see just how much Sally would appreciate my humor… and my camera.
She passed the test. She even told me to stop apologizing after I would catch myself acting like a complete child while walking through San Francisco… that was followed closely by “Becki told me you’d be like this.”
And I was.
Then it was off to the People’s Party where we collected more SWAG and met MORE people… and then I got separated from her as I followed Redneck Mommy down the elevator. Apparently Sally saw me get on the elevator but I didn’t see her… so she tracked me down and politely mentioned that it was 1am my time and that I should probably get some sleep.
Thank God she was my voice of reason that night. Knowing me, the type of person who fears she will miss out on something if she is not the last person to leave OR goes to bed early, I would’ve stayed way too long and been tired for the rest of my trip. (So I saved the late night out for when Sally wasn’t around… lol)
Then we were off to meet the fam and for me to see the house that Sally lives in.
Celia is more of a dork than I am. I met my match. And I wasn’t even in the house for longer than 5 minutes when I realized it.
She asked Sally if I was the same in person and when Sally said yes, Celia asked if I looked like the emoticons that we are always using when conversing via Skype, complete with her own rendition.
She proceeded to act out several more emoticons and just as I was starting to turn around and act our this one, 
she beat me to it. I could not stop laughing.
It was then I realized that I needed to step it up a little alot if I were going to be able to compete for talk time and laughs around this house.
While I didn’t get to spend much time with them my first night, and I stayed in the city Friday night, the entire family, minus Alejando (the girlfriend was more important than the virtual friend visiting) came to pick me up. And I laughed the whole way home. We made fun of each other and I was proclaimed a dork.
The people in the 7-11 where we stopped to get ice cream stared at us and rightfully so. We were a sight. And I was in my element and my comfort zone.
Sally and I sat and played with our new Zivio’s (which we both LOVE) while Celia entertained.
And Celia was very sad that she didn’t have a new Zivio like we did….
Build a bridge, Celia…
Celia left us to balance her chi…. I don’t know what that exactly means. (You know those California people are weird.)
And before long, my chi was being balanced…
(Note: I have decided that I should lay down in all my pictures because I think I look so much thinner…)
And before you know it, we’re hanging out and Celia is playing a mini-guitar. Sally told me what it was… it’s a cuatro from Venezuela… and it’s cute and Celia has an awesome voice.
It was hard for me to focus on that at first because I was laughing so hard… the song was a catchy little tune and it might have been about how a bedet is better than a BOB. (This is a family friendly blog, so I’ll let you figure that one out….)
And then she pulled out the big guitar. And again amazed me with her talent. I shouldn’t be… the whole family has more talent in their little finger than I have in my whole body… see that art that hangs above the bed? Yeah… their son did that.
AH-MAY-ZING… seriously.
And then we talked some more. And laughed some more. And talked. And laughed.
And then we HAD to go to bed because we needed to get up to head to the city for a day of being a tourist.
Which excited me (and my camera) to no end.
The girls joined us in the city and we had the best time. It was a lot like hanging out with my youth girls at home. I got to be silly and girly and let loose in a city that I knew no one.
So here are just a few pictures of our time in the city….
On the Ferry… they were cold and I was taking pictures… wusses…
Me and the Golden Gate Bridge… do you know how many pictures I have of the Golden Gate Bridge? ALOT. Of the 428 I have, 300 of them are probably of the Golden Gate. Don’t ask me what my obsession is… I’m not sure. But bless Sally for making sure that I was actually in some of these pictures.
Nicole and I… (and the bridge)
Sally and I… it was cold. Did I mention that? And windy. I might have wished that I had a brush.
Sally on the street car. She thinks I’m crazy but she secretly wants me to be her neighbor
Sally and the girls… waiting for the ferry…
Nicole, Me and Andrea being goofy. They like me. I love teenagers.
Sally and I and the Bay Bridge… I now like that bridge too… but not quite as much as the Golden Gate.
Are they not the most gorgeous girls? I want to adopt them.
Now, some of you may be notcing that the family dynamics are, well, a little different from the norm. Whatever the norm is. Quite honestly, I wasn’t sure what to expect. Honestly? I see them as normal. Their house is filled with laughter and love. So much love and laughter. Their home is warm and inviting. They are open and loving. I felt very welcome in their family and have already told the kids that I am their new Aunt. I want them to come and visit me. I want to go back and visit them.
Soon.
And as Sally was driving me to the airport, I felt the tears forming behind my eyes. I knew that one phrase or one view of the city would release them and I told Sally how I felt. I told Sally how welcome that her family made me feel; how a part of their lives that I felt.
I didn’t feel like I had just met her in person and while I have known her for 2+ years, I never expected to bond or click with her like I did.
As I watched Sally pull away from the United terminal after depositing me and all my SWAG, a tear escaped. I knew it would. I knew that it was a matter of time.
But in my core being, I felt as if I was leaving a weekend visit with family, knowing that it would be a long time before I was able to see them again. I didn’t like that feeling. But I was ever so grateful to have had the opportunity to spend with them, to fit in, to laugh, to be welcomed, and to feel like I belonged.
I can’t wait to be able to visit again.
Until next time…
It’s no secret that I’m a dork. I even have a whole category called Dorks R Us.
I’m comfortable with that and I’ve received confirmation of my dorkhood.
(Like when Sally and her family picked me up from the city and within 5 minutes her oldest daughter proclaimed “you are such a dork!” I like her. Alot.)
HP was very present at BlogHer. And their way of contesting was pure genius in that you had to follow their tweets in order to win.
We all know that I was not present to win the laptop, but I was around later on Saturday to partake in some of the other giveaways.
For example, when the tweet came through that prizes would be given to people who came to see Ann and Marco at the HP table and sang two songs that had the word touch in them, I was thinking all the way up the stairs and when I arrived at the table (the first one there) I had two in my head.
The problem was, one of them I DID NOT want to sing. Especially in front of a man.
So, they told me to sing.
Not only did I sing, but I danced and performed my rendition of “Can’t Touch This”.
One song down, and one to go.
I hemmed and hawed. I kept trying to think of something other than the song that was in my head.
But I drew a blank and yes, I sang “I touch myself.”
After some laughter and admittance that they had not though of that song, I was able to chose my prize… a PC back up photo program. Won’t work, I’m a Mac girl. (And I had no problem telling them that followed by I would gladly give up my Mac if they gave me one of those fancy touch screens they had…)
A pretty pink USB mouse. Eh. Not a pink person and I need another mouse like I need a hole in the head.
How about one of those webcams back there? Yeah. I’ll take that.
We have a webcam and I have an iSight on the Mac but the PC one was crap and Matthew can make his little videos now from the comfort of his own computer and stop kicking me off the Mac.
Off I walked with the new Webcam.
Happy.
I won something. I never win anything.
But today?
The prize Gods were shining down upon me. Brightly.
Later on, during the day there was another tweet that came out that said the first two people who brought them a limerick would win a 7″ digital photo frame. I took off, and up the stairs I composed my limerick in a text message. This was after I had to stop and think of how a limerick was constructed.
And after I knocked into several people trying to type a limerick out on my cell phone between the lobby of the hotel and the HP table in the mezzanine. (If you were the one carrying the freshly poured cup of coffee, I apologize profusely!)
I was the first to the table and they said I could win as many times as I wanted.
So I presented them with this:
There was a blogger who has a Mac
Who came to San Fran for the Blogging Track
But she loves the Touch Screen
It’s so very clean
She might never want to go back
Yes, I realize that I will not win any poetry awards in the near future, but it was good enough to get my picture taken with my new photo frame which currently sits on my desk displaying all 428 pictures I took while in San Francisco.
Until next time…
Next up Becki @ Introverts.net
When Heather told me she was staying in a hostel, I laughed my tushie off. The blog fodder that that’s going to produce is going to be amazing! Probably as I write this, she’s packing a change of clothes in her laptop bag and taking it to Blog Her so she can stay at the Hostel tonight. I did offer her one piece of advice. “Heather, don’t wear your best underwear and sure to throw your underwear away before packing your bag. But seriously if you don’t want to throw them away, be sure to bring a stapler, and staple them securely to the bottom of your bag.”
Yes, this advice may sound silly and even a little ridiculous to some, but Miss. Heather here has this unadulterated way of embarrassing herself when it comes to underwear in her laptop bag.
She let it slip some time ago that when she was visiting St. Louis, she was going through security and they wanted her to remove her laptop from the bag. Heather complied. However, at the same time, out of the corner of her eye, she sees red flash before her eyes. Her eyes follow this red blur and when the red blur comes into focus, Heather sees bright red panties with black polka dots. Heather knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that those are her panties…the panties that she hastily grabbed off the hotel room floor as she was leaving in a hurry (which coincidentally made a bee-line for her laptop bag). Needless to say she was quite embarrassed as the security guard approached her with panties in hand. Heather shoved them back into the laptop bag and quickly ran to her departing gate.
I was talking with Sally yesterday about this predicament and she suggested balling them up and putting them in the pocket of the pants that you wore the day before. Heather…follow her advice, it’s cheaper and probably a heck of a lot more convenient than mine. 
I hope that you are having an awesome and fabulous trip and be sure to give us the lowdown on your return!
- Becki @ Introverts.net