Faith

My God is on Fire!

April 15, 2013 Leave a Comment

Short post tonight. (Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha… I really intended it to be shorter…) Truthfully, I’ve been trying to get to bed all evening, but this has been on my heart to share.

Truthfully? It’s an amazing story to share.

Several months ago, I was asked to speak at the Rescue Mission. Cool, right? Of course! I love to speak. (Clearly!) I love to speak about Jesus. And what a privilege to bring a message of hope to those at the Mission.

It was way cool until last week when I went to start preparing.

I panicked. But I put it behind me.

I continued to put it behind me. I finally had a outline of what I wanted to talk about but last night, I whined to the hubs…. “It’s a GREAT message… but it’s just not Heather.”

“So make it, Heather,” he said.

Well, duh. But I just couldn’t seem to add what I needed to it.

Today, my plan was to spend every waking moment making this message mine… to make it, Heather… to feel CONFIDENT delivering it… because really? If I’m not confident in telling you about the greatest man to ever live, would YOU want to follow Him?

Exactly.

Satan had other plans and I was attacked..

all. day. long.

A project I was working on for someone else went awry….

I couldn’t find one of the W-2s to finish the taxes… (never mind that I waited until the last minute.. it was only supposed to take 30 minutes!)

I was late getting to the school to volunteer for the roller skating unit… (I help tie skates for the 3rd graders!)

…the day continued like this where my mind was taken away from this message and truly preparing myself for tonight.

About the time the tears came, mostly mad at myself for not being on top of things and feeling like I was letting everyone down, I get a great message from the hubs…

“I full well believe that satan doesn’t want you to deliver your message tonight. Which means there’s somebody there that needs to hear it. Praying for you. Old pointy ears can get bent. You’re gonna nail it. I have no doubt.”

I tried to sit down several times and study it, to go over it. But then ball practice got cancelled. So I had to contact all 10 families. Then I had to find another ride for Thing 4 to Girl Scouts instead of ball practice.

I read the message to those in the kitchen.

I hated it.

I wasn’t confident.

My older kids tried to tell me they didn’t want to come (in which I preached an entirely different sermon about how I am ALWAYS there supporting them, driving, waiting, paying, etc. and they could at least take 45 minutes of their busy lives to come and see their mother!)

Really, it was just the lies of satan. I knew it. So by the time I got in the car, I prayed the whole way there and told satan to suck it.

(For my new readers, I do have a “satan suck it” play list!)

By the time they finished with praise reports from the women at the mission, I was in tears. Seeing these women, who really were in the valleys that I was about to talk about how God moving… and then this one woman said, “When I came in here, I was in a bad mood. Someone handed me this Bible and I opened it and read this…. ” she started in Psalm 106, but the amazing part is she said that she had NEVER picked up a Bible before and that verse she opened to was exactly what she needed to hear.

I lost it. Fortunately, I had some time to regroup while the friends I brought from our old church sang a few songs and then I was up…

I think it was well received. I think they liked me. And like I knew they would, once I got going, the nerves were gone.

After I spoke the chaplain gave the invitation and as I looked out among the women, there one stood. And she came forward. And we prayed. Then there was another woman who came up to ask for prayer… she just felt like satan had a strong hold on her and I shared with her how it was okay to tell him to suck it.

She laughed. (Who doesn’t?)

And we prayed.

As I walked out of the mission, I started to sing, “This girl is on fire….” before I was stopped quickly in my tracks.

No. It wasn’t me. I’m just a vessel.

So I quickly changed the words to the song…

“My God is on Fire…”

Because only He could’ve orchestrated this.

Coincidentally, Thing 2 has been making up religious songs to top 40 songs all night now. Some are better than others. Regardless, I love that my job was to provide hope to those at the mission tonight…

…and as a result, we all were able to witness God at work, adding a slightly different atmosphere in the House of Chaos tonight.

Yes… My God is on Fire…. and I want to continue to fan the flames…

Until next time..

Filed Under: Faith, God Met Me

Pity Party-ing It Up with Satan as the Host

March 18, 2013 4 Comments

I find myself, today, in the middle of a huge pity party.

It’s hosted by the devil himself.

He’s handed out the party hats… I selected mine… it says “I’m Not Good Enough”….

It seems to fit perfectly.

Grabbing the punch, I see ice cubes floating within, all letting me know where I am a failure…

Funny how sweet they taste today…as if I can’t get enough, and with each sip, I’m drunker on the untruth of the messages inside.

And what kind of party would it be without cake?

The cake, a constant reminder of what I used to look like, and even though I know I shouldn’t, I eat one -or ten – pieces.

I keep trying to tell the satan that I have other plans; that I must leave, but he’s a good host… and shows me how unloved I am… and how much attention he wants to show me….

….so I stay a bit longer.

I keep telling him I need to leave. I keep telling him I’ve got better places to be.. it’s hot. It’s smoky and I quit smoking… but oh my. Wouldn’t just one taste so good. Just to relax? To unwind?

But he reminds me of the fight I had with the hubs… and how unChristlike I was… how unfit I am to parent these children because I’m not the example they should have… not like that couple at church who are perfect with their children… and oh how happy they both look.

“I really do have to go,” I say, standing up and preparing to leave. I know that I’ll have to pass the cake to get to the door. The party hat feels like 50 punds on my head, but I’m confident I can remove it.

But this punch is so good… and I’m so thirsty….

…which reminds me of my BC (before Christ) time when I really did think the punch in the trash cans was just punch… and how punch drunk I got… unable to walk back to my dorm room… and how that was the beginning of the end of my college career is Boston…how disappointed my parents were in me… how lost I was…

“No,” he says. He’s got a voice so soothing that you can’t get mad at it… it’s enticing and mesmerizing…. “stay just a bit longer. No one needs you. They won’t miss you if you aren’t there.”

But I plead. ”I need to go… I have kids to feed, and homework to help with… and my work. You’re taking the focus off my work.”

He went to refill my drink and I covered the top of the cup with my hand… consequently, the punch was now everywhere, all over me and the floor… and it stunk of failures. My failures as a Christian, a leader, a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, and even a pet owner.. there… a big puddle around me.

I stay.

To get through the punch, past the cake, and that stupid hat off my head is too much for me today.

I can hear Christ pounding at the door. I can hear him tell me that I’m good enough and that He loves me. I can hear Him tell me that He won’t leave without me, but I can’t seem to get to Him. I can’t will myself up out of that chair….

Not today.

I know the truth.

I can see satan mocking Christ. I can see the confrontation at the door. I have the desire to move. I don’t want to be here, sticky from the punch that is a constant reminder of my past and my failures. I don’t want the weight of how I’m not good enough… and I don’t want to feel how I feel when I attack the cake.

I WANT this party to be over.

But I can’t seem to make it end.

So I’ll stand on the truth that I know… when the world is spinning out of control; when I can’t seem to stop it; when I can’t seem to make it all go my way….

exodus 14

I KNOW He’ll get me out of here. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Until next time…

Filed Under: Faith, Thoughts...

Practice What You Preach… Literally

March 11, 2013 1 Comment

Last week, I preached my very first sermon that I crafted from scratch and presented to a congregation of adults. In it, I talked about death, my love for funerals and the life that came from them. In addition, I spoke about how death occurs all around us, not just in a physical sense, but in an emotional and metaphorical sense and that from that we need to find the life that comes as a result.

I might of used Jesus as an example in there as well.

My exact words were this:

Jesus said, “Unless a seed dies, it remains a single seed; but if it dies, it produces many seeds and then much fruit.”

From death comes life.

So often we see death as a horrible thing and it is! The bible calls death an enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26). But the bible also tells us that what satan intends for evil, God intends for good.

Things happen to us and around us everyday that may not be want we wanted or expected; things that upset our well laid plans. The most common, and easy response is to become upset – to whine and complain about how horrible and unfair it is. Is there another way to look at these events? Is there life where we think something has died? Is there a silver lining? Where is the good which God has intended? (my friend Jenn helped me with this part to tie it all together!)

And then? Less than a week later we experience the death of something in our lives that has been a HUGE part of our lives both time wise and financially. Moreover, it affected one of our children on a more personal level. In fact? I’ll go so far as to say a passion of one of our children was murdered.

It definitely wasn’t in our plans. It certainly wasn’t welcome. We were shocked, unprepared, and left with questions that will probably never get answered.

My heart is broken for one of my children.

I wish I could go into more detail, but out of respect for my child and the rest of people involved, I can’t.

But I am hurting deeply for my child.

I’m left trying to answer the questions of “where is the silver lining?” and “what good does God want to come of this?” Not only am I having to answer them for myself, but I find myself needing to assure my child that what I said last week infront of the entire congregation is true:

That good will come of this.

And even tough I know in my heart of hearts that more good than we could ever expect will come of this, it doesn’t make it suck any less.

It doesn’t make holding our heads up, responding as Christ would, any easier.

I’ve been strong for my child (or at least tried to), but I’ve vented something fierce to my closest friends and my husband. (The Great Snot Fest of 2013 happened in the kitchen Saturday night.)

But yesterday, I had to walk into a situation where I knew gossip would be aplenty. I knew that bashing was quite possible.

But I also knew that this was the perfect opportunity to emulate Christ and that if I fell victim to human nature this would all be for naught and the enemy truly would win.

The worst thing I said about the situation is, “I just don’t understand and that’s what makes this so hard.”

Of course, they were sympathetic, grateful even that this didn’t happen to their child, and understanding about why I felt the way I did. But I made it clear that it was just all part of God’s plan.

Because I truly believe that.

I do.

But again, that doesn’t make it suck any less.

I’m reminded of one of these pictures that I’ve seen floating about Facebook (when did facebook become pictures of text, by the way?)

only-god-test

Because this is so very true.

An maybe the silver lining, or the good that God wanted to come of this death, was to show a group of people who don’t truly know Christ, what He’s all about.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that what I said last week is true. Good will come of this. One day, we’ll look back at this and say, “I’m so glad that happened because if it hadn’t of _______ would’ve never happened.”

And that’s what I’m clinging to as I try to work through this.

jeremiah 29-11

I’m practicing what I preached… literally.

Or at least trying to… to the best of my ability…

Until next time…

Filed Under: Faith, God Met Me, Mom Stuff

The Start of My Jesus Birthday Celebration

February 10, 2013 Leave a Comment

I’m turning six this year… in Jesus years.

In celebration, I’ll be re-running my testiony this week…about how I came to know Christ.

It’s a pretty neat story, although, I’m slightly biased as it is MY story.

The story will start tomorrow, but to kick us off, I thought I would share a video with you.

I was asked by Pastor Man (the pastor of our former church) to provide a video testimony for them to share on their 75th Anniversary celebration today.

Here’s just a small version of how I came to know Christ, Penn Forest Worship Center, and then how I ended up on staff at a church across town!