Thursday night, despite the fact that I was exhausted, I went skating with the teens at church.
Ok, so I didn’t skate. I was exhausted, my back hurt, my leg hurt, and I was afraid if I fell, I would be in a world of hurt.
I was the “mom” who sat on the sidelines holding shoes, coats, purses, and watched the drinks so that no one threw them away or, worse, stole them.
It’s a new role for me as I’m normally involved in the center of it all, not wanting to watch from the sidelines, but it was a nice change. I got to sit with the grown-ups and talk about life issues, and parenting issues — I got to talk about jobs, relationships, etc. It was kinda nice and definately a change for me.
As I was standing there talking to our Youth Pastor (a male by the way) and my ex-husband, something didn’t feel right. Upon further investigation, I realized that my bra strap had come undone. Interrupting the conversation we were having, I asked, “Hey! Where’s the bathroom? My bra strap just came undone and I need to fix it.”
They both stopped and looked at me?
“What?” I said, looking at them and trying to figure out why they had those looks on their faces. “Well,” I continued, “It’s one of those convertible bras so it can be regular, strapless, or criss-cross…” I trailed off. I’m not sure they knew how to respond.
“When are they going to play my CD?” I asked the Youth Pastor, switching gears from my now half-strapped bra to not enjoying the music they were playing. While Christian night, they have a very limited selection of Christian music and certainly none that keep our kids entertained and pumped up.
“They had to listen to it first,” the Youth Pastor replied. I looked at him with a puzzled look on my face. “I know. I gave it to hime and told him that I was a Youth Pastor and that I wouldn’t give him anything that I wouldn’t let my children listen to, but he said they had to listen to it first.”
“That’s my ‘satan suck it’ CD,” I said. When his face showed signs of confusion, I explained, “It’s the CD I listen to when I’m having a bad day or feeling under attack. Each song on there will turn me around almost instantaneously.”
“Cool! Well, he still has to listen to it first.”
“Well, let him listen to it,” I said. “Maybe he’ll be uplifted. And speaking of being uplifted, where are the bathrooms? I have got to fix my bra.”
My ex-husband and he just chuckled.
“What?” I said. “Are you shocked because I said I have to fix my bra? Girls wear bras. It’s no secret and it’s also no secret that I’m just very open. This is who I am. You’ve always known me to be this way, right?”
The youth Pastor nodded as did my ex-husband. “Yes, Heather,” our Youth Pastor started, “You are you. Very unique.”
“I don’t put on false airs and try to be all prim and proper. In fact, when I was interviewing last week, he asked for writing samples. I gave him my blog…my personal one,” I said.
“Really?” he asked.
“Yes. It’s writing, but it’s also ‘me’, the real me. The reality of it is, if he Googled me, he’d find it and I would much rather him know who I am now than find my blog 6 months from now and not like what he sees. This is who I am…you either like me or you don’t.” I stated.
And it’s the truth.
When I was asked for writing samples, I first provided my business websites and the articles that I’ve written for two reasons. One – it showed my writing style. That’s what he was looking for but two – it would confirm that I had the knowledge I claimed to have while discussing some of my skills and abilities. As I was writing down websites, I jotted down the address of this blog and I stated to him that this was my personal blog. I shared Desperately Seeking Sanity with him because for one, I’ve written some of my best stuff here but the second reason was truly because I wanted him to know that I was real. I held nothing back in my interview. I didn’t want to; I wanted him to know who I was, both as a professional and as a person. The reality of it is, I could be the most knowedgeable person in the office, but if our personalities don’t mix, then the relationship will be doomed. Why not get that out of the way in the beginning?
“There’s nothing here that I need to watch out for, is there?” he asked after explaining to him that it was my personal blog.
“No sir,” I stated. “I am a youth leader and have children and I know that what ever I put on the internet will follow me for the rest of my life.”
And that is true, too. Things that I have written on this blog have been taken out of context and used against me. I had another blog, and while I did my best to make it anonymous and private was found and used against me. (Needless to say, I learned my lesson on that one and the blog is no longer in existance.) However, this blog, is me. This blog has always been me and if someone reads the post about how upset I am about a situation or how overjoyed I am with a different situation, then they are seeing the real me. Life gives us ups and downs. Life gives us lemons and we are granted the opportunity to make lemonade.
But I would much rather a potential employer know that I am human from the get go, to give them the opportunity to see who I really am, in the beginning than for them to stumble across it six months from now and read something that doesn’t sit well with them. Transparency is not a bad thing and Jesus and Paul were two examples in the Bible of people who were transparent in their words and actions. Jesus wept. That’s transparency and Paul, in almost every single one of his letters, revealed something about himself, something from his heart whether it be his struggle with sin or his desire to be with Christ.
Fortunately, it’s wasn’t an issue as I was offered the job and as of April 20th, I’ll have a new title, a new cubicle, and a new and exciting opportunity. There will be more to come on the new job as I am able to share, as well as with other happenings in my life that are pretty cool… and very exciting.
For now though, know that you’re still seeing the real Heather and part of being real is admitting that time has been a huge issue with me here of late; circumstances out of my control have caused me to reshift some “hobbies” in my life and blogging has been one of them. The mojo is back, the time, however, is not.
However, once things settle down and we all get adjusted to me working outside the home some, I think you’ll find that I’ll be back a little more frequently.
In the mean time, I’m looking for a few guest bloggers; bloggers that can provide some uplifting stories or simply bloggers who have something funny to share… anything that ties in with this blog, life, and all that goes with it. (The only thing I ask is that you keep it family friendly…)
Leave me a comment or email me to let me know if you are interested. I’m looking for 1-2 guest posts per week and would love to have you blog sit for me while I’m gone… 
Until next time…
This was not the first time Precious Friend had written me from a foreign country asking me to join her on the mission field. I had, in fact, put her off just a year earlier. This time was different. I was rudderless and searching. For the first time in my life I had quit a job with no safety net and no idea what I was going to do to support myself once the school year was over. I just knew that I couldn’t go on teaching in the little Christian school that had been my place for four years. I was a statistic – a burned out teacher leaving the profession. 
