Random Bullets…filled with links…

September 19th, 2008

I’d love to type something phenominal and funny for you but the fact it, I’ve been way too busy… so we’re going to be bulleting some quick updates for you…

Heh.. I said “we’re” as if there is anyone else behind this blog… nope, just me.

So here we go..

  • Matthew and I have to be at the surgical center at 6:30 IN THE MORNING Monday morning so we can make his dumbo ear normal again.  Prayers appreciated.. specifically for a sense of calm and peace for Matthew… he’s kinda freaking out over this… and more specifically that we won’t oversleep.
  • Had Sam’s follow up appointment for her finger today… it’s healing, but not healed… she’s mad because she can’t be the goalie for 3 more weeks…
  • If you haven’t been already, please go visit these blogs… because I worked hard on them… and they are uber cool…
  • I’m hopping over at Desperately Seeking WordPress… not with the posts though, I’ve been too busy… they are coming, I promise…. but there was a new one today, in honor of Speak Like a Pirate Day…
  • Even though there was a whole day devoted to speaking like a Pirate, not once did I participate.. I know, I’m a slacker.
  • I have written two more reviews at the new review site.. and you should totally read them because I’m talking about how I hate lack of communication and how smart my mother is
  • Speaking of the review blog… there are just a few more hours left to enter to win the 39 Clues gift pack.  Matthew can’t put the book down…  and there will be a new giveaway on Monday… promise…
  • I got my car back today.  It’s been three weeks.  Hottie was at the counter when I returned it.  I think he was flirting, but I was in too much of a rush to reciprocate.  I don’t like the car.  It’s not the same as before I wrecked it, but I’ll get over it.  It’s back and I can now jam to the New Kids with the sun roof open again…
  • Alpha Mom has a new feature called the Alpha Mom’s Guide to Everything in 5 Simple Steps… You should check it out… and sometime soon, you’ll see my contribution… I’ll let you know when it’s up…
  • Steph had Ivy and now I want another baby.
  • On Twitter and in the Roanoke area?  Tweetup on October 9th… email me for info… :D

I think that’s all… at least I’m tired of talking in bullets.  The kids are gone with their dad and I have lots of work to do to make blogs beautiful… :D  And I have to catch up on my TV… and the new season hasn’t officially started yet…

I’m doomed…

Have an AWESOME weekend…

Until next time…

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Pull your britches up, boy!

September 15th, 2008

See this?

This is Matthew… or “Bite Me” as he’s affectionately known by his coaches and teammates.

Want to know how he got that nickname?  Have I already told you?  I can’t remember.  Of course, that’s nothing new… I can’t remember my own name here of late.

Matthew has no practice jerseys.  I’m cheap and told him that I wouldn’t buy him a fancy practice jersey.  The coach told us that “dad’s old shirts” would fit over pads which really meant that big shirts will do.

So he found some old shirts from Krystal before they shut down that have a HUGE burger on the front and in big letters it says “Bite Me”.

Please, hold off on nominating me for Mother of the Year until you finish this post.

Matthew likes the nickname that he has because it’s so much better than his nickname of the past two years… that would’ve been “Cupcake”  He wanted to get Cupcake on the back of his jersey… and then after he takled someone he could say, “Cupcake?  No I think you read that wrong… I’m a pound cake”

It worked well when he was a tackle person (that has an official name but I don’t remember what it is… I do know when he tackled, he played defense though and he doesn’t now.)

Matthew is a guard on Gold offense.

Gold offense is the second string offensive team and he’s second string because he’s 11 and it’s his first year in this league.

Coincidentally, it’s also his last, unless of course I can get him to lose 13 pounds and keep it off between now and next August… when he’s 12.

At the age of 12, you have to weigh in and if you’re over a certain weight, you can’t play rec ball which means that he will have to play middle school ball.

Not a bad thing, but you have to be the “baby” and “second string” two years in a row.

Matthew’s a big boy.  Part of being a big boy is not always having pants that fit in the right way and this year, we got the biggest size that they had.  Without all the pads, they fit so nice.

Add the hip, butt, thigh and knee pads and they’re a bit tight… and they don’t stay up.

As a mother, I sit in the stands and watch my child block the kid across from him, and when the coast is clear he takes a step back and hikes up his britches.

It bothers me.  I understand that he must pull up his pants because, heaven forbid, somone might be able to spot the fruit of the loom writing on the gray band of his drawers, but I think that he could at least wait until the ball was dead and the play was over.

Like, hear the whistle, pull up pants, get on the line again.  It makes perfect sense to me.

This bothers no one else and the only reason that I like that he does this is that it’s easy for me to spot him on the field.

He is oblivious that he does this.

But now I have proof.

One of the mothers has been taking pictures of the team at every game.  We get home and an hour or so later, we have 200 pictures to look at and as I was perusing over 800 pictures tonight, this is what I found…

I’ll spare you the rest… but there are a ton of them.  And for once, he can see that this is what he does.

He blocks.  He steps back.  He pulls up his pants.  He joins the rest of his team.

His coach has no problem with this.  I do.

And I did a bad thing.

I approached the coach about it.  (See why I told you to hold off on submitting that nomination?)

I said, in my most redneck manner, and I SWEAR I don’t know where it came from.. it was if I was trying to SOUND like a dad… “Why don’t you get on that boy of mine and chew him a new one?”

“I get on him enough.  He’s holding his own for an 11 year old.”

And then I felt dumb.

I retreated to where the mom’s stand and now, I just keep my mouth shut.

But secretly?  I’m trying to figure out how I could duck tape his pants to his body so that he’ll quit pulling them up all.game.long.

Until next time…

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Promises

September 13th, 2008

There’s alot of talk in the celebrity world these days about Promise rings, specifically the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus, two acts that my dearest Samara can’t get enough of and that my boy, Matthew, can’t stand.

The promise rings that they are wearing are to remind themselves of a promise that they’ve made to themselves… the promise to save themselves for marriage.

It’s a concept that most of us are unfamiliar with. What? Not have sex with anything that breathes because you’re in the mood? Saving yourself for the person that you marry and not someone that you simply love or think, at the time, that you love?

Many of us don’t grasp that. Yet, we scoff at those unwed teenagers that we see out and about, questioning not the actions of the teen, but of the parent that’s back at home, supposedly a good role model. We look at those that have an STD as if they are gross. And lose respect for many when we learn of their count, most often attaching labels.

We complain about the rise of sexually transmitted diseases, the rise in the amount of abortions performed each year, and the divorce rate. However, do you know that most of these things would decrease if we just kept our legs closed until we got married?

So when the question was asked if we would give our children, at the appropriate age, a promise ring, I had to weigh in.

I’m a thirty-one year old, single woman, and I’ve worn a promise ring for just over a year now. I made a committment to myself that I would save myself for marriage and if you’re anything like most of the people I know, let me answer your question right now.

Yes, I know what I’m giving up.

I made this choice for a few reasons. (A) I’ve done the whole child out of wedlock thing and it sucks. The stares, the comments, the judgements… yeah, I’d prefer not to go that route again. (B) I don’t really feel like worrying if I’m pregnant or worrying about birth control. Guess what? Unless I’ve been chosen to carry the next Messiah, I don’t have to ever worry about it if I’m not engaging in the activity. (C) If you’re like me, and grounded in your faith, you know that sex was created as an act for a husband and wife, and it goes again my Biblical beliefs… but I could make this same argument and leave the Bible completely out of it.

But the biggest reason that I made this choice? That would be (D) I want to set an example for the lives that I am influencing. I can’t very well tell this kids in my youth group, or my own kids, not to have sex until they are married and getting it on myself. Ya know? Can we say hypocrite?

Now, regarding the whole promise ring and my children…. will I just give them each one and let them know what it stands for?

No.

Slapping a ring on their finger isn’t going to do them any good. They have to WANT to put that ring on. They have to WANT to make that promise to themselves and then WANT to explain to anyone who asks about their ring what it stands for.

They have to have buy in.

And that’s why I’m honest about the ring that currently resides on the ring finger on my right hand. (It would be where a wedding band would normally be but my the ring on that finger doesn’t fit on my right hand and I’ve not been to have it resized yet.)

I explain to my children and those in my youth group and anyone else that asks what it stands for — my purity…my promise that I will save myself for my husband.

Does it turn guys away? Yes. Does it make people say, “well, I understand why you’re still single?” Absolutely.

But what it also does is remind me that I’m special and that I’m worth the wait. And any man who has a problem with that is NOT the man for me.

I’m glad that some of these celebrities are taking a stand for abstinence amidst the current Hollywood “role models” who are anything but and I pray that they are serious about their promises to themselves. I’m sure Miley Cyrus could get through to my daughter better than anyone else could when it comes to saying that purity is cool. But I’m prepared to have the conversation about it if they do, in fact, break their promises and it will go much like the talk that I had with my children when they learned of Jamie Lynn’s pregnancy.

Hearing, “Zoey from Zoey 101 is going to be a mom… isn’t she lucky?” our of my then eight-year-old was a shock and I never had plans to explain to her at that time why “Zoey” was anything BUT lucky.

So you can call me a freak, a born-again virgin, what ever it is that you want.

I’m calling myself smart.

I’m calling myself special.

I’m calling myself worth it.

And I hope one day that my children wish to call themselves the same.

Until next time…

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Laboring on Labor Day…

September 1st, 2008

Labor Day weekend for me means a trip to a local state park with 10 other families from church.  It also means laboring.  Which always strikes me as odd.  It’s supposed to be a break.  And while I have two children that are more than capable of helping, they don’t.  I can’t wait until they take their children camping and realize just how much work goes into camping.

I seriously think they think we hop in the car and go.  I know they don’t know the amount of planning and coordination that goes into a little trip to the woods.

This trip started out really bad.

To the point that less than 30 minutes after we left, I was ready to come home.

Know why?

I wrecked my car.  My new to me SUV that I was so excited about taking camping for the first time because we wouldn’t have to have kids sitting on pillows or blankets.

It was packed perfectly.  Everything had a spot.  Of course it did… since I bought it I’ve been arranging the camping gear in the back so that when the time came, it was just a matter of loading it up.  And it worked just the way that I planned it.

But because I had 5 gazillion things going on in my head I failed to realize that just because the lane next to me was moving doesn’t meant that mine was.  I got up close and personal with the van in front of me.

And of course, there’s a very small dent in his bumper and my car is sitting in the shop.

I was less than 5 miles from my house, on a major road, thereby proving the statistic.

And feeling REALLY stupid.

Fortunately, we’re all okay.  And the car can be fixed.

My pride was the only thing that was bruised.  Three days with no internet and no cell helped fix that.  Not totally, but alot.

And I’m glad that I went, although I don’t think that I had much of a choice.  I called Pastor Man to let him know that I wasn’t coming (because coming would require me to ask for help) and he said that I needed to call another family that hadn’t left yet and see if I could hitch a ride with them.

As I called, I prayed that they would say they couldn’t… after all, they are a family of 5.  But, they were hauling their camper and could fit us and our crap in the car.

So off we went.

And we had a blast…

I didn’t miss the phone.

I didn’t miss the internet.

I kinda missed Twitter, but not much.

And I was reminded that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be because my church family took care of me, from offing me a car to drive, advice about a body shop, feeding me, cooking for me, hugging me and reminding me that I’m not stupid.

I can deal with almost any feeling except feeling stupid.

So, I’m going to end this here… because I have lots of pictures to share with you… and then I have mountains of laundry to do and fold while I watch the taped segments of NKOTB on my DVR.

We went Fairy Stone hunting (there are these stones that look like crosses… and we found many.. and now they are all over my desk…) but Samara didn’t find any at first.. she was a little bummed…

Matthew and I being silly….

You might wonder why my family of 3 has two tents… well, my site contained 7 people… me, my kids, and lots of other kids.  I had two of the youth group members bunking with me.  The little red tent in the back housed the boys and the bigger one housed the girls.  I have my dining tent so the youth group and I could sit up there and play cards until their parents made them go to bed.

And the flamingo?  It’s an “in” thing… I had to be invited into the group to proudly display the flamingo at my site this year and I can’t believe I even knew where it was, let alone remembered to bring it.

We canoed.  Not my thing, but I’m glad I tried it.  At one point in time Dr. M told me to just sit still and not row at all.  I was scared that I would get distracted and flip us over.  And Samara had no faith in me, whatsoever.

The beauty of going with a group of people is that I can’t give this to Matthew. But other men at my church can.  He canoed… and loved it.

He also kayaked and loved it….

Miss M and I stuck with the little ones and took them on a nature hike.  Miss M is a wealth of knowledge and the kids (and I) learned alot!

We even found horse shoes, which we compared to our shoes…

And… when I took six kids to the lake (yes, I did), our fairy stone sandcastle won third place.

Not that I’m competitive… but I really think we should’ve taken second….

Today, after everyone else left, there were three families that stuck around to spend some more time at the lake, none of us ready to come home.

It was then that I truly came to realize just how blessed I am, and no matter how much I labored this weekend, no matter what happened to deter my time of fellowship, it was worth everything.

We’ve added more memories to the book that we will carry with us for a lifetime…

Until next time…

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Meeting New People…

August 19th, 2008

I live in a fairly big area however, it’s got a small, hometown feel.  And I only say this because Roanoke does not have your typical six degrees of separation.  It’s more like two.

Because of this, and because of my past that I’m not overly proud of, I don’t always jump out of my seat to meet people locally.  I’m always afraid that people will know someone that knows the old me and judge.

At least, that’s they way that it was.  I’m slowly working on actually talking to people that I don’t know, meeting new people, and trying to broaden my base of acquaintances and friends.  Yes, even dating.

I’ve also had the pleasure of keeping my online life and my offline life separate but at some point in time they’ve collided.  At first, I was a little weirded out by it, but over time, I’ve come to embrace it as it’s allowed me to be held accountable for who I really am.

The good news with this is that I am meeting other bloggers in the area.  For the longest time, it was just me.  Then Shane moved here.  (And can I say that she lives like two streets over, we see each other at school, and at sporting events and try as we might, we’ve never gotten together for lunch?)

Then a few weeks ago, I got an email from Katherine asking to be added to my blog roll.  I don’t add just anyone.  I have to make sure that I’m cooler and skinnier… no I’m just kidding.  But I do have to make sure that it’s a blog that I would stand by.

When I read her blog the first picture I saw looked alot like the view from the top of the star.  And it was becuase Katherine lives right here in Roanoke.

Another life blogger, right here.

I was excited.

And then I got to know more about her and realized that Katherine is a Christian Single Mom, just like me.  That excited me even more.  I love my friends here, but I don’t have anyone locally, really, that gets what it’s like to be me.

After a few emails back and forth, we decided that we would meet up for lunch and so yesterday, after I dropped my heathen children off with a friend for a few hours, I trekked across town to dine with her.

And it was delightful.  And we’re going to do it again.  And our daughters are the same ages, and our sons very close, so we even talked about getting the kids together.

I left yesterday, after watching a lady in the parking lot hit two cars trying to maneuver her boat out of the spot, praying that she would not hit mine, feeling good.  It’s nice to meet new people… even if the guy I dated a few months ago is hot after her now… :D  Small town, people… small town.

The night before, I met the woman who moved in across the street from me.  (Remember that new house they were building that kept blocking my driveway?)

She’s a Christian Single Mom too.  We sat on her front porch for an hour just chatting away and have already devised plans to have neighborhood potlucks.

Can I tell you that I’ve lived on my street for over four years and I know very few people?  I know all of them by face, and we always wave to one another, because that’s what you do in Virginia, you wave to everyone you pass, whether you know them or not.

And now?  I’m planning on helping to organize a neighborhood event.

I’d like to tell you that I’m scared to death about actually leaving my house or embarking on new adventures.  But I’m not. I’m actually pretty excited about the prospect of new friends.

I don’t think you can ever have too many friends.

Until next time…

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Fate?  A Sign? OMG!!!!

August 18th, 2008

I have to be honest and let you know that when I wrote the letter to Donnie, I really did assume he was still married.

Happily, I might add. I just like to create situations in my mind to suit me. It’s nicer that way.

But after a grueling day all around, I came home to find an email from Sara.

The subject simply said “NKOTB”

But the message?

“It’s meant to be… :)”

And then?

Oh my word.  What followed was information that made me happier than the day Kenny Chesney and Renee Zelwigger split.

It was a link.

To a news story.

That announced….

DONNIE WAHLBERG IS GETTING A DIVORCE!!!!

Know why?

I’m sure it’s because he read my letter.

The power of the internet is an amazing thing.

You can read all about it here

but back off girls…

he (and all his money) is mine.

But I’ll totally invite all of you to the wedding and to all the fabulous parties we’ll have at our mansion, and totally make them have concerts where you live so that I can come and meet you…

Until next time…

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Love Letters…

August 16th, 2008

Dear Jean:

Congratulations!  You won the NKOTB CD.  Or I guess you could pick the Amazon.com Gift card if you wanted, but that would really disappoint me because you’re like my NKOTB BFF and I was so pleased that random.org picked you and not someone who would be unappreciative like Becki or Soliloquy.  Not that I don’t love either of them dearly, but seriously?  They just have no taste in music, IMO.

So, kindly send me your address and I’ll order it and, because I got a free trial of this special shipping program from Amazon (in which they will get $79 of my hard earned dollars doing blog installs because I will forget to cancel one month from Thursday, when I got the free trial because I wanted to ship something over night and didn’t want to pay for it) you will have the CD in no time flat.

Hangin’ Tough,

Heather

*************

Dear Members of the Fury:

Girls, I’m sorry.  I know that I’m your coach, but really, I was only supposed to be a coach in name only.  That’s the way that it was supposed to work.  The other two coaches weren’t supposed to go off camping in August and miss a practice and leave me there all by myself to teach you how to play a better game.

I’m not sure I could teach you how to play a mediocre game.  You already know that you’re supposed to go down the field kicking the ball (otherwise known as dribbling), controlling it, until you get close enough to the goal to kick it (shot on goal) and try to score.

But we played alot of games today and I hope that you at least had fun with those.  Because really?  I see myself as the coach who wants you to come back and play next year and the year after that because you’re having fun.  So hopefully, that’s what happened.

And I have a slight confession to make.  I know that I said we were going to end practice early because it was hot.  In reality, I ended it because I didn’t know what else to do with you and while we were stretching, I ripped a huge hole in the crotch of my jeans, and I was self-conscious about it.

I’ll see you Monday!

Love,

Coach Heather

*********

Dear Parents of the Fury:

I really hope that you all aren’t parents that want your rec soccer coaches to teach your children how to play well because you are banking on a soccer scholarship to put them through school.  If you are, I’m am totally sorry, but I explained to the directors of the programs that I’ve not played in 25 years and that I didn’t know what I was doing and they said that it was fine.

So, please complain to them if you feel that you need to.  But thank you to those of you who have told me that you are grateful that I am even coaching, because despite my lack of soccer coaching abilities, I do care about your daughters and I do want them to have fun and love me.

Love,

Coach Heather

PS.  No, I don’t know when we will get our uniforms or our schedules and yes, I realize that we have a game next Saturday, and pictures and the big opening day celebratioin.  Trust me, no one wants that schedule more than me because my son also has opening day festivities next weekend and I need to know whether or not the games will over lap.  I promise, as soon as I get them, I will sent them on to you.

*********

Dear Coach J and Coach C:

I hope you both had a great time camping with your families this weekend.  You were greatly missed today at soccer practice.  When you get back, could you explain to me a few things?  And can you not miss the same practice and/or game again?  I would appreciate it.

Love,

Your co-coach

*********

Dear Subway Sandwhich Maker:

We don’t frequent your establishment often, really because it’s not close to much, and you don’t have a drive thru.  We were there today simply because we were hungry and at at Wal-Mart and since you’re located within WalMart and serve food, we ate there.

I’m sure we’re not the only family who orders a foot long sub for $5 to split.  Economically, it makes sense.  Neither Matthew or I really need to eat a foot long by ourselves and since we like the same sandwich, we order it.

Please don’t ask me five times if that will be all when I’ve already told you four other times that all we want is one foot long sub, made in to a meal.  I realize that there are three of us and that meal deal works perfect for us, especially when we add a pretzel to it, as we did today.

We share.

What you might not realize is that I was about to spend a boatload of dollars on school supplies and things that my children HAVE to have so that they won’t be made fun of because their mother bought the cheap stuff.  (Ok, so that was a lie, I was planning on buying them the cheap stuff, anyway.)  But the point is, I am cheap, frugal if you will, and I can’t see spending all that money at Subway if I don’t have to.

Love,

The mother who just purchased one meal for her 3 person family

*********

Dear Nice Old Lady at Wal-Mart:

I’m so sorry about the traffic jam that we caused today while you were trying so hard to get through so that you could go and get your Geritol.  Seriously, there is no excuse for us to take up the whole main aisle that connects people from the front of the store to the pharmacy, pet supplies and toy section.

However, in my defense, I think that we should take it up with Wal-Mart because who in their right mind puts the school supply lists right there where every one stops to find their school supply list?  There was a much better space for them right next to customer service when you walk in the door.

Yes, I know that it was quite obvious that we had printed out our school supply lists before we even embarked on our trip to hell to the school supply aisles at WalMart, however, what you might not understand is that last year, I printed off the wrong list and bought my daughter the wrong school supplies, and I’ve not yet heard the end of it.  So did we really need to block traffic trying to find the school supply list for Green Valley?

Yes.  Yes we did.  Because I am incompetent in printing a list, taking it to the store and purchasing the supplies that my children will need.

But thank you.  Thank you for smiling and not being a jerk like the little old man behind you.  I appreciate that and I hope that you are blessed in some unexpected way today.

Love,

The incompetent school supply shopper

*********

Dear Little Old Man Behind the Nice Sweet Lady:

You’re a jerk.  Period.  But, because I’m a Christian, I hope that God blesses you in some unexpected way today as well, because maybe then, you could put a smile on your face.  I think you would look so much better with one.

Love,

the lady with children that caused the traffic jam

*********

Dear Lady Shopping For Little Boys Cowboy Boots:

I don’t work in the shoe department.  Moreover, I don’t work for Wal-Mart period.  (If I did, I would’ve moved the school supply lists.)  They wear blue tee-shirts that say Wal-Mart on them, not gray tee-shirts that say Hidden Valley Cheerleading.  While I did still have my coaches badge on with the blaze orange whistle that I found in the boating section of Dick’s because I could not find a whistle anywhere else in the store, I’m not sure how that would make you think that I worked for Wal-Mart.

However, I shrugged it off and politely told you that I didn’t work for Wal-Mart the first time you asked me.

I can assure you though that in between the first time you asked me and the second time you asked me, I did not walk to customer service, apply for a job in the shoe department and begin work immediately and I don’t appreciate the look that you gave me when I told you the second time that I didn’t work for Wal-Mart.

If I knew if Wal-Mart sold little boys cowboy boot or where they were, I might have told you, but since I was trying to aid my daughter in selecting the perfect pair of Hannah Montanna sneakers, I was not able to stop and help you.

Additionally?  Your grandson doesn’t want them.  I know you kept telling him that they were cute and he would look so dashing in his jeans and cowboy boots at school on the first day but I’m pretty sure he knew that the belt with the large buckle was coming next and that he would be beaten up and his lunch money would’ve been stolen.  I realize that it’s “in” some places, but I saw your school supply list (which I’m really hoping you didn’t tie up the line like we did to obtain the list) and he doesn’t go to a school where that is readily accepted.

Please do your grandson a favor and skip the boots.  Even though they are sold at WalMart… in the aisle right across from the boys sneakers.  Open your eyes and you might see them.  There were tons of them.

Love,

The lady that most definitely NOT work at Wal-Mart

*********

Dear TRUE Wal-Mart Employee who was working in the shoe department:

I’m sorry.  I am so terribly sorry about the day you’re having today.  It was never my intention to have eleventy-two pairs of shoes strewn about in the girls’ athletic and casual section today.  I try to control my daughter when it comes to shoes, but I can’t seem to get control over her.  She sees shoes and something happens that I can’t explain.  It’s like a drug and with all the red clearance tags, she went nuts trying on every pair of shoes in a size 3 (and some 2s because there were no 3s and she loved them) while I was trying to help my older son in the next aisle over.

I could see how frustrated you were as you had to weave in and out of the half empty boxes on the floor and I did make her pick them all up before we left the department with our brand new Hannah Montanna sneakers (which are perfect by the way) but I know my daughter well enough to know that she did not put them back where she found them and I saw you rearranging everything when we had to come back by that way looking for the tissues because we could NOT leave your store until we had the tissues.

Couple the havoc we wreaked on the shoe department and the lady looking for cowboy boots, I know that this is one of the days that you probably hate your job, but please know that you are appreciated, because I love to come to the store when everything is nice and organized.

Love,

The mother of a shoe whore

PS.  I think you could really show upper management how smart you are when you tell them that you have a great idea on where the school supply lists should be moved.  Perhaps you could also work with the schools on deals with Wal-Mart for mass ordering of school supplies.

*********

Dear Kindergarten Mom:

It’s so cute to watch you with your daughter as you ask her which crayons that she wants… Crayola is good, but the Lisa Frank packaging is so much cooler for a girl.  And the pencils?  Oh there were so many choices, and you were so patient with her and so proud of her when she selected the ones that she wanted.

I need to tell you something though.  Enjoy this year.  Enjoy the back to school shopping time that you are having because it’s not always going to be the rainbows and puppies experience that you are experiencing this year.

I know that you think I’m crazy, but I’m not.  Well, I am, but not when it comes to this.  I know how excited you are.  You’re going to take your time picking out the school supplies, making sure that everything is just perfect for your little angel’s first day of school.

You’re going to take all the newly purchased items home and she is going to go through them time and time again because she is excited about the first day of school.  You’re going to label them all with her name (even though most everything will be dumped in the community bin so it doesn’t matter that her pencils are pretty, she’ll probably get stuck with the generic #2 that Billy Jo brought who has 2 older brothers) and then you’re going to place them all in that new, purple back pack that I eyed in your cart which is 10x too big for your child.

You’re going to send her off next week right after you take pictures to email to everyone and their brother and then you’ll probably cry for a little bit because you can’t believe that you’re sending your child off to school and go back in the house to care for your infant and relish in the fact that you’ll have him at home for 4 more years.

I know this is how it is because I’ve been there.  But let me assure you.  Over the next few years you’re going to be like me.  You’re going to have a game plan before you enter the store.  You’re going to have a budget and you’re going to not care if the pencils are pretty.  All you’re going to care about is that they write and how fast you can get in and out of there.

And when you have both of them in school?  Forget it.  You’ll be writing to the school as I am about to do, begging for an easier way to do this.  Hopefully, though, you’ll never go to the store with the wrong list.  I promise you, it will never be forgotten.

But I still enjoyed watching you and your daughter today.  It brought back memories of when I enjoyed this.

Love,

The Veteran School Supply Shopper

PS.  Your kids are gorgeous.  Seriously.  Gorgeous.  I would love to see your daughter’s first day of school picture.

*********

Dear Shelly:

I’m sorry that I yelled in your ear while we were at Staples.  I didn’t want to go to Staples today because there is just too much cool school stuff in there but they didn’t have 1/2″ binders at Wal-Mart, of which Matthew needed 4 in different colors.

I really didn’t mean to yell in your ear and I kept trying to walk away from my daughter who obviously has no concept that when I’m on the phone she shouldn’t ask me for a locker mirror, despite the fact that she has no, you know, locker.  But she just wouldn’t stop, and by that point in time, we’d been at this for more than 2 hours and I wanted to be home.

Thank you for calling to check on me.  I appreciate it more than you know.

Love,

Heather

*********

Dear Green Valley:

I just found out that there were no fees this year and I think that’s great.  While it won’t really make a difference in the money that I spend on Sam, Matt’s fees were out of control.  But let’s talk about fees for a minute because I have a suggestion and I think it might actually work.

What do you think about collecting a school supply fee and then ordering en masse for the entire school?

Don’t laugh!  You can probably get them cheaper if you order in bulk, cheaper than we would ever be able to buy things even if we did price match, comparison shop, coupon and buying everything sporadically based on when it was on sale.  And every child would have the same supplies so there no child would envy someone else’s pencil box or binder.  It’s almost the same approach as Private School Uniforms, which if you want to institute that, I’d be your biggest supporter, but I really think that if you all handled the school supplies, the world would be a much happier place.

That and it would ensure that some stupid parent wouldn’t download the wrong list and purchase all the wrong supplies.

And I would pay any amount of money to make this happen, so you could even make a little money off of it in the process.  A fund raiser that’s practical!  There you go.  No more magazine sales or that stupid, rip-off wrapping paper that you try to pawn off on us in the spring and the fall.

I might even have a contact for you at Wal-Mart.  She’s currently working in the shoe department.

I’m sure other parents would go for it as well, so could you please pencil that in on the agenda for the first PTA meeting?

Thanks much!

Love,

A former PTA board member and disgruntled school supply shopper

*********

Dear Matthew and Samara:

I had some strange expectation that today would be some sort of bonding time for us today, much like it was 7 years ago when I started purchasing school supplies.  I am sorry that I lost my temper more than once in the stores with you all, or with the store, or with the jerk who was rude.

But you have to understand, I can’t afford the $9 binders and the $3 folders.  Acutally, I can afford it, but I won’t because you don’t take care of the expensive stuff you own now and so I’m sure that these items would be lost in your room or on the bus or who knows where your possissions dissappear to.  And I don’t have time to take you to Wal-Mart, Staples, KMart, WalGreens, and the other stores that had all the pretty back to school ads i the paper this week to see who had the best selection of High School Musical folders.

Sam, you have to use the spiral notebooks that cost a nickel.  And yes, I did spend 50 cents more and buy 10 additional notebooks because at some point in time someone is going to need a notebook.  And yes, I realize that I will store them some where and forget where I put them, thereby making me go out and purchase another notebook for $1.

It’s just how I work guys.  I’m sorry.

But if I blow all of our money on the fancy stuff then we don’t get to do cool things like go to Hershey Park for the weekend, or go to Mississippi or all the other cool stuff that we get to go and do.  And I know you don’t really care about all this, and that you really wanted the tie-dyed binder, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s just not important.

Don’t worry though, I’ve made a suggestion to the school so that the other kids won’t make fun of your plain Bic pens.  Because I care.

And please don’t ever fret about me buying your cowboy boots.  Because I would NEVER do that to you.  However, in return, you must be happy with the Staples brand pencils.  I’m sorry.  Deal with it.

All my love,

Your Mother

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Customer Service Means You Service Me…

August 13th, 2008

I am a Mac owner.

I love my Mac.  I never wanted a Mac, but I didn’t have a choice.  It’s what the company gave me and so I learned to deal.  And I love my Mac.  I really do.

In fact, there’s not one thing that I don’t love about my Mac.

Oh wait, yes there is.

Why in tarnation would you make the keyboard WHITE????  Don’t you know that children with grubby little fingers sit here and type?  And don’t you know that it’s going to get dirty?  And I realize that they have the little keyboard condoms, but come on.  I’d feel like I was working at Advanced Auto Parts if I were to use one of those.  But then again, their keyboards aren’t stark white either!

I also love Apple Care.  I love to be able to call up and tell them what’s wrong with Mac and they will fix him.  Then I don’t have to go and trouble shoot on the internet and figure out what is wrong.

What I don’t love is when I call Apple Care and the person on the other end of the phone has (a) no personality or (b) not able to speak English.

Now, before I go any further, I am not prejudice against anyone.  I understand why people outsource to people overseas and I think that there are valid reasons for doing so.  Saving money is important when running a business.  But if you’re going to do that, please, for the Love of God, make sure the people who answer the phone can speak English.

It really has nothing to do with those that are foreign either.  I don’t care who you are, if you hire someone to work with people, then they must be able to communicate.  I know people who live in Brooklyn and Alabama that should not be allowed to handle customer service calls because I can’t understand them.

But what I really don’t like is when someone yells at me (the customer, remember?) because I’ve had to ask him 5 times to repeat himself because I couldn’t understand him.

And when I follow the instructions that I was given and I’m asked to call back, I don’t like getting someone with no personality, although he spoke with an accent that I could understand.

The reality of it is this.  There are people who are suited to work with other people and then there are those that aren’t.  I think it lies with the company to hire people who are people people, but I also think some of the responsibility lies on the person applying for the job.

If you don’t like people, don’t apply for a job in which you have to work with people.  It’s not fair to your company, it’s not fair to the customers and it’s not fair to you.  If you don’t like people, you’re going to be misreable.

Make sesne?

And above all else, whether you’re a people person or not, whether your English is good or not, your job is to help me.  I am the customer.  I am the one that’s paying your salary.

Be nice to me.

Because if you’re not?

I’m going to blog about it.

Until next time…

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Just a little uniformity… it’s all I ask for…

August 1st, 2008

Web 2.0 has taken off and we are constantly inundated with new services and new products to try, to help us with being able to better network on the internet.

My problem with all the different services is that everyone uses something different and it started a long time ago when instant messaging programs came out.  We’ve gotten to the point where I now have to have FIVE different chat programs open so that I can keep track of my friends and most of the time, all of the ones that I really want to also have all FIVE programs.  But we can’t just pick one.  No.

That would leave someone else out.

I realize that there are programs like Trillian but they don’t like the Mac.  And I realize that Meebo is out there.  But I want a program that RUNS on my computer and not in a browser window.

::sigh::

Then came Firefox and I liked that better than Internet Explorer.  Thunderbird replaced my Outlook.  The Mac came along and while I kept Firefox, I now use the Mac Mail App.

I’ve just gotten used to Twitter and now there is Plurk and Kwippy.  I have accounts at all of them but Twitter is what I use most because that’s what I remember to sign into.

But I panic because I have other friends that have moved to other services and how on earth will I keep up with them?

Now all the hubbub is out about Flock.  Yet another program that I have to figure out how to use to see if it really is the next best thing since sliced bread as everyone is claiming and frankly?

I don’t have time.

But I’ll do it anyway.

Just like I downloaded Windows Live Writer today to post from to see what it could do because I liked the idea of being able to compose blog posts while offline and not have to copy and paste it into the window later… OR be almost done with a blog post and losing it all because I’m connected to the internet.

I could probably be a big baby and just say if you want to send me a calendar invite, do so to my Google calendar.

If you want to chat with me, you can reach me on Yahoo Messenger.

I’m twittering and nothing else.

But I won’t.  I’m too afraid that I’ll miss something or someone.

But boy… don’t you wish we could all get on the same page?

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Is the Tax Free Weekend Worth It?

August 1st, 2008

This afternoon, I was in need of a new black printer cartridge.

To be honest, I’ve been in need of one since last week, but today is when I got tired of changing all my text from black to blue or red or green before I print.

Some would call that lazy.  I call it thinking outside of the box to get the job done.

So I got dressed, put on my new running shoes (because Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry states that running shoes make you more productive… so I bought new ones yesterday to test her theory.  I’ll let you know how that pans out) and headed to Staples with my $16.10 quarterly reward check in hand.

As I entered the sliding doors filled with various ads and announcements, one in particular caught my eye…

Tax free weekend “August 1-August 3rd”

Well no wonder the mall was packed today.

As usual, I don’t have time to shop today and I’ll be out of town this weekend, as I have been for every tax free weekend since it’s conception many years ago.

The introvert in me wanted to walk out of the door the minute I walked in when I spotted all of the people who were in their (with their bouncing off the wall children) frantically throwing notebooks, pens, pencils and every other school supply the school required.  The back to school list holder was torn to shreds and so I decided that I would print my kids’ online and bring them with me the day before school starts when we venture out to do our back to school shopping.

As I weaved in and out of the college kids who were looking to purchase computers (which are not tax exempt because the items have to be under $20) or dorm supplies before heading away from the parental units for the school year, I began to grow more and more frustrated.  I simply wanted to purchase my puny little HP Vivera 92 black cartridge and be on my way.  I have a busy day today.

And when I started to dodge the middle and highschoolers who were debating on what kind of locker accessories that they needed (do we really need magnetic koala bears to stick on the insides of our lockers?) I decided that no amount of savings were worth this hassle.

Now, I’m not a shopper to begin with and the only time of the year, next to Christmas, that I abhor shopping is the back to the school year time.  Due to the kids traveling, there is no way that we can get out to get our stuff before August 1st.  We’ve always been out of town on the tax free weekend, and when we finally do make it out, the shevles are ransacked and the selections are always less and inevitable, the color notebook that my daughter wants sold out minutes before.

But as I made my way to the printer ink section, after stopping to grab a ream of paper, I decided that the measly $1.36 that I was going to save with my big purchase, just wasn’t worth it.

And when I got to the printer ink aisle, they were bare.  There were no “value packs” with two cartridges, bringing my tax free savings down.

When I finally got through the line and checked out, I was so ready to be out of there.  I was also grateful that we WILL be out of town this weekend so that I might not be tempted to save 5% by heading out to the stores.

Because seriously?

That 5% savings isn’t worth it to me.

(That and I’ll pick up some new school clothes in PA this weekend, where they have no sales tax on clothing, ALL.THE.TIME.)

So how about you?  Does your state have a tax free weekend?  Do you think it’s worth it to get caught up in the masses to save a little bit of money?

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