Three years ago, I was doing what all soon-to-be-married women do…
Attempting to figure out what my new name would be and then all the variations on how to write it.
You know, a grown up version of what we did in middle and high school when a boy paid attention to us and we started doodling Mrs. so and so all over our notebooks.
Don’t even tell me you didn’t do that. I’m not buying it.
First, it was hard to even decide what I wanted to call myself.
I mean, it was 2010. I didn’t have to take his name. Yet, I didn’t feel confident marrying a man and keeping my ex-husband’s name.
I also didn’t feel confident getting rid of the name that I share with my biological children (the reason I kept my ex-husband’s last name when we divorced. I didn’t divorce the kids… just him.)
So, here I was in a quandary, not sure what I should call myself and not hurt any one.
In the end, I decided to scrap my middle name given to me at birth (sorry Mom), keep Jacobson as my middle name and St.Clair as my new last name. (Note: Not hypenated.)
Heather Jacobson St.Clair
It took me a LONG time to come up with this name.
I even discussed this when I made it official at the Social Security Office. I walked through my process with the lady at the window who I’m sure just wanted me to shut up, instead, nicely stating that I did, indeed, need to be happy with it…
I shared my new name with a friend who said, “Wow! Heather Jacobson St.Clair. That’s such an author name.”
And I agreed. It had a really nice ring to it. And I could totally see it at the bottom of the book that I would write and publish…
Except, since I’ve been married, my writing has been slim to none.
Part of it is the desire to write. When it was just the three of us, I was more open. They were my kids to be open about. I’m a little more cautious now.
Words that were written here were used against me, so I’m cautious on that front as well.
But then there’s the time aspect to it.
My responsibilities have doubled. Instead of two kids, there are four… five if you count the hubs… and with all those people, eating out or microwave meals aren’t really something we can do all the time, so there’s some homemaking involved.
And somewhere along the way, I morphed into this mom that I never thought I would/could be…
I’m not completely domestic, but I’m more than I was… (I made my own play dough a month ago!)
I’m not a stay-at-home-mom, but I might as well be… I work when the kids are in school and if they need me, I work right across the street from the school.
I don’t make the money I used to and sometimes I feel guilty… that I get to have all this fun while the hubs works hard. (He doesn’t have a desk job.) But then I’m reminded that he doesn’t have to worry about who’s going to leave work to pick up a sick kid, or who is going to get a kid to practice. On the whole, that’s my job. (I do have to ask for help from time to time when there is more than one kid that needs to get somewhere…)
I’m no where near the perfect mother, but I am madly in love with these children… in a way that I never thought possible… (even the ones that I didn’t birth…)
So here I am with an author’s name… with no published book.
I’m not building a platform.
I’m not trying to earn followers.
I can’t tell you the last time a tweet went out that I actually wrote.
And while I might not be penning the words of the story I know I have in me, I know that I’m an author in the story of their lives…
And that, my friends, no matter how you look at it, is a masterpiece.
Until next time…