Mom Stuff

Irony

May 3, 2013 4 Comments

Three years ago, I was doing what all soon-to-be-married women do…

Attempting to figure out what my new name would be and then all the variations on how to write it.

You know, a grown up version of what we did in middle and high school when a boy paid attention to us and we started doodling Mrs. so and so all over our notebooks.

Don’t even tell me you didn’t do that. I’m not buying it.

First, it was hard to even decide what I wanted to call myself.

I mean, it was 2010. I didn’t have to take his name. Yet, I didn’t feel confident marrying a man and keeping my ex-husband’s name.

I also didn’t feel confident getting rid of the name that I share with my biological children (the reason I kept my ex-husband’s last name when we divorced. I didn’t divorce the kids… just him.)

So, here I was in a quandary, not sure what I should call myself and not hurt any one.

In the end, I decided to scrap my middle name given to me at birth (sorry Mom), keep Jacobson as my middle name and St.Clair as my new last name. (Note: Not hypenated.)

Heather Jacobson St.Clair

It took me a LONG time to come up with this name.

I even discussed this when I made it official at the Social Security Office. I walked through my process with the lady at the window who I’m sure just wanted me to shut up, instead, nicely stating that I did, indeed, need to be happy with it…

I shared my new name with a friend who said, “Wow! Heather Jacobson St.Clair. That’s such an author name.”

And I agreed. It had a really nice ring to it. And I could totally see it at the bottom of the book that I would write and publish…

Except, since I’ve been married, my writing has been slim to none.

Part of it is the desire to write. When it was just the three of us, I was more open. They were my kids to be open about. I’m a little more cautious now.

Words that were written here were used against me, so I’m cautious on that front as well.

But then there’s the time aspect to it.

My responsibilities have doubled. Instead of two kids, there are four… five if you count the hubs… and with all those people, eating out or microwave meals aren’t really something we can do all the time, so there’s some homemaking involved.

And somewhere along the way, I morphed into this mom that I never thought I would/could be…

I’m not completely domestic, but I’m more than I was… (I made my own play dough a month ago!)

I’m not a stay-at-home-mom, but I might as well be… I work when the kids are in school and if they need me, I work right across the street from the school.

I don’t make the money I used to and sometimes I feel guilty… that I get to have all this fun while the hubs works hard. (He doesn’t have a desk job.) But then I’m reminded that he doesn’t have to worry about who’s going to leave work to pick up a sick kid, or who is going to get a kid to practice. On the whole, that’s my job. (I do have to ask for help from time to time when there is more than one kid that needs to get somewhere…)

I’m no where near the perfect mother, but I am madly in love with these children… in a way that I never thought possible… (even the ones that I didn’t birth…)

So here I am with an author’s name… with no published book.

I’m not building a platform.

I’m not trying to earn followers.

I can’t tell you the last time a tweet went out that I actually wrote.

And while I might not be penning the words of the story I know I have in me, I know that I’m an author in the story of their lives…

And that, my friends, no matter how you look at it, is a masterpiece.

Until next time…

Filed Under: blogging, Insanity at It's Best, Mom Stuff, Thoughts...

Whirlwind Life… and I Ain’t Foolin’

April 1, 2013 4 Comments

I started a post two weeks ago called “Life Happening Before My Very Eyes” and it was a general catch up about life happening around the House of Chaos. I got so busy, I never finished it.

And here I am, two weeks later, sitting at the library writing a post. It needs to be done, but I find that if I’m in the office or at the house, it just doesn’t. There’s always something else to do.

I kept thinking once March rolled out of here things would get a little more back to normal, whatever that is. When you work in a church, it’s somewhat busy around the time that Jesus is born and about the time He dies and then rises again.

It’s exciting. I’m not going to lie.

Throw a middle school retreat weekend in there as well as youth activities for Easter, including a flashlight Easter egg hunt and you get crazy. And that doesn’t even include the activities that I participated in as a mom and not the Children/Youth Pastor. You know, like the 5th grade field trip to the zoo and the Egg Hunt at another local church.

But here it is… April 1st.

Life is still crazy.

It’s Spring Break. I have two choices with these kids. Let them sit at home and rot their brains with TV and video games or get them out and active. So I’m getting them out and active. (Never mind that we are at the library, all of us on the computer.) But this morning, we spent at the top of Mill Mountain… on a short hike and playing…. nineteen kids and six adults. All part of a Spring Break program I put together.

Honestly, it was selfish. I needed something to do with my kids. So I planned some activities and invited the community. I figured worse case scenario, no one would come and I would get paid to spend time with my kids.

But it was pretty cool to see the boys (and girls) playing football and making obstacle courses… and the kids ranged from four to sixteen… and all in between.

And when the time came for parents to pick them up, they weren’t done playing.

Me? I was beyond done. Hanging with a bunch of kids reminds me that my bones are so much older than theirs.

But the boys have been begging me for over a week to bring them to the library and the evenings have been so crazy… so I promised them today…

Of course, Thing 4 politely reminded me that she was the only one in the family that didn’t have a library card. That’s not entirely true as the Hubs doesn’t have one — but I don’t see that happening.

So here we are.

I need to go to the grocery store.

I need to clean up the dishes from yesterday’s Easter meal.

I need to get caught up on the laundry.

But for now? It’s so nice to sit in silence…

I’m even sipping on an iced coffee from the coffee shop within the library (free refills at that!) and process this life that I lead.

One that is always going to be a whirlwind because that’s what life is with two children, two step-children, and a gazillion other kids in my extended community.

And most days?

I wouldn’t trade it for the world…

Until next time…

Filed Under: Mom Stuff, Quality Time, Thoughts..., Time wasting..., youth ministry

A Day Off…

March 21, 2013 5 Comments

I work part time at a local church. With that, I chose to take Thursdays off every week. The other days I work while the kids are at school and I’m home before the little things get off the bus.

Sidenote: When I chose to take Thursdays off, I had every intention of doing my grocery shopping on Thursday so that I didn’t have to do it on Sundays… I have YET to go to the grocery store on a Thursday and I’ve had Thursdays off since October.

Except, those days off? While I might not be AT the office, I’m running all over God’s creation.

I work at the local food pantry once a month. I fill the day with doctor appointments. I go on school field trips. I help out at the school.

The bottom line is even though I’m not working?

I’m working.

So today I found myself at home. With nothing on my calendar.

And I couldn’t believe it.

I didn’t even realize how much I needed it until it was here.

I’ve been with kids either my own, or through church, or through Girl Scouts every day in some form or fashion since last Wednesday. And tomorrow the hubs and I leave for a weekend retreat with four of our favorite middle schoolers…. before returning to the start of Holy Week.

And when you work in a church? The week that Jesus dies and rises again is about as busy as the time He’s born.

And don’t get me wrong… I LOVE kids. I LOVE working in ministry! I love everything about it. Except it’s taxing at times.

So yeah. Here I sit in my jammies on the couch… catching up on “How I Met Your Mother” (as in where have I been the last eight years? This show is HYSTERICAL!) and working on a few web projects just enjoying not being needed by anyone.

So how about you? How do you spend a day off?

Until next time…

Filed Under: Heather's Quirks, Mom Stuff, Thoughts..., Time wasting...

Practice What You Preach… Literally

March 11, 2013 1 Comment

Last week, I preached my very first sermon that I crafted from scratch and presented to a congregation of adults. In it, I talked about death, my love for funerals and the life that came from them. In addition, I spoke about how death occurs all around us, not just in a physical sense, but in an emotional and metaphorical sense and that from that we need to find the life that comes as a result.

I might of used Jesus as an example in there as well.

My exact words were this:

Jesus said, “Unless a seed dies, it remains a single seed; but if it dies, it produces many seeds and then much fruit.”

From death comes life.

So often we see death as a horrible thing and it is! The bible calls death an enemy (1 Corinthians 15:26). But the bible also tells us that what satan intends for evil, God intends for good.

Things happen to us and around us everyday that may not be want we wanted or expected; things that upset our well laid plans. The most common, and easy response is to become upset – to whine and complain about how horrible and unfair it is. Is there another way to look at these events? Is there life where we think something has died? Is there a silver lining? Where is the good which God has intended? (my friend Jenn helped me with this part to tie it all together!)

And then? Less than a week later we experience the death of something in our lives that has been a HUGE part of our lives both time wise and financially. Moreover, it affected one of our children on a more personal level. In fact? I’ll go so far as to say a passion of one of our children was murdered.

It definitely wasn’t in our plans. It certainly wasn’t welcome. We were shocked, unprepared, and left with questions that will probably never get answered.

My heart is broken for one of my children.

I wish I could go into more detail, but out of respect for my child and the rest of people involved, I can’t.

But I am hurting deeply for my child.

I’m left trying to answer the questions of “where is the silver lining?” and “what good does God want to come of this?” Not only am I having to answer them for myself, but I find myself needing to assure my child that what I said last week infront of the entire congregation is true:

That good will come of this.

And even tough I know in my heart of hearts that more good than we could ever expect will come of this, it doesn’t make it suck any less.

It doesn’t make holding our heads up, responding as Christ would, any easier.

I’ve been strong for my child (or at least tried to), but I’ve vented something fierce to my closest friends and my husband. (The Great Snot Fest of 2013 happened in the kitchen Saturday night.)

But yesterday, I had to walk into a situation where I knew gossip would be aplenty. I knew that bashing was quite possible.

But I also knew that this was the perfect opportunity to emulate Christ and that if I fell victim to human nature this would all be for naught and the enemy truly would win.

The worst thing I said about the situation is, “I just don’t understand and that’s what makes this so hard.”

Of course, they were sympathetic, grateful even that this didn’t happen to their child, and understanding about why I felt the way I did. But I made it clear that it was just all part of God’s plan.

Because I truly believe that.

I do.

But again, that doesn’t make it suck any less.

I’m reminded of one of these pictures that I’ve seen floating about Facebook (when did facebook become pictures of text, by the way?)

only-god-test

Because this is so very true.

An maybe the silver lining, or the good that God wanted to come of this death, was to show a group of people who don’t truly know Christ, what He’s all about.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that what I said last week is true. Good will come of this. One day, we’ll look back at this and say, “I’m so glad that happened because if it hadn’t of _______ would’ve never happened.”

And that’s what I’m clinging to as I try to work through this.

jeremiah 29-11

I’m practicing what I preached… literally.

Or at least trying to… to the best of my ability…

Until next time…

Filed Under: Faith, God Met Me, Mom Stuff

Say It With Me: I’m a Good Mom

March 9, 2013 1 Comment

Today, I’m pleased to bring you Patricia from the TT Diaries. To be honest, I’m not sure which blog hop I found her through, but I’m so glad I did. And when I put a call out for people who might want to trade spaces with me, she instantly said yes. (Meaning she must like me, yes? That’s what I’m banking on!) And to top it all off? She just lives right up the road from me!

If you’re looking for me today, I’m over at the TT Diaries, talking about how sometimes I feel like calling it quits when it comes to this whole mom thing!

Without further adieu, I bring you Patricia…

Have you ever been on a play date or at the park and your child hit another child?

And what is your first thought?

For most of us the very first thought or feeling is guilt. Yes we might correct our child but we feel the guilt. THE MOMMY GUILT!!!!

We feel as though we have done something wrong, like we didn’t instill the proper etiquette or moral behavior in our children. It is amazing how many thoughts we can process in a split second. We can go from guilt over our child’s behavior, to blaming our own self, to how we will correct our child properly.

We as mother’s torment ourselves. We think if we are not able to do it like someone else we admire then we are not doing it good enough. I am speaking from experience here. I see moms all of the time that I admire and I ask my self how in the world they are able to do so many things in a 24 hour period. You know the ones I am talking about, you see them in the grocery store. They are dressed perfectly, hair done just right, make up, jewelry, and their child sits in the cart like an angel. All while you are in your sweats, tennis shoes, hair is a mess, and your child is screaming for a sucker.

Why are we so quick to compare ourselves to other mothers? How do we know that the mother we see in the grocery store isn’t having a particularly good day? Maybe being dressed like that is out of character for her. Or maybe she has found a way to give herself the time she needs to get dressed up, like waking earlier in the morning.

I know what you are going to say. Yea, but I am friends with some women who do this type of thing all of the time. Their house is perfect, their kids act great, they are always on time and dressed nice. Why can’t I be more like that? The answer is you only know what they want you to know. Everyone has flaws somewhere in their life and some are VERY good at hiding them.

In all actuality us women who are willing to show our flaws might just have it together better than those who hide them. Of course that is not always the case but I am sure frequently it is. The truth of the matter is that we are women are so hard on ourselves and doubly as hard on other women. We criticize each other on our parenting, our clothes, our hair, our relationships, and our choices. Let me first explain that I am not pointing a finger when I say that because for sure I have done it and I am just as guilty. My question is why?????

Why are we are women so hard on other women? Why do we demean and break down the very people we should be joining forces with? I will tell you the reason that I think it is. It is really sort of like High School, we think if we degrade the other women that we somehow make ourselves look better. Because if she is a bad mom for not breastfeeding and I breastfeed then of course I am a AWESOME mom. It is pure jealousy and I am not afraid to admit it. Because when I see that mom in the grocery store my first thought is “why can’t I look like that?” Followed quickly by “I bet she doesn’t spend half the time with her kids that she should cause she is too busy getting all dressed up to go to the darn grocery store.” When my first thought should be “good for her for taking some time for herself to make herself feel good.”

I truly believe this is one of the main reasons we have mommy guilt, because we fear what others think of us. We fear particularly what other women think of us. I know that is not the only reason for mommy guilt but I am quite sure it is a very big part.

I am learning slowly that love and compassion go a whole lot farther then my jealousy. By tearing down the barriers that I made around myself towards other women I have made great friends. Women I never would have allowed myself to associate with before because of my prejudices. I have also found that I am more open about my mommy guilt. Instead of keeping it to myself I have more friends with many different perspectives to help me think through my mommy guilt.

So I am going to ask you do you think that you can be easier on other women around you and broaden your horizons. I promise you will make many new friends. But better still can you be easier on yourself? Can you know that if you love your children with all of your heart and give them your best that you are a good mom regardless of what the world says you should be doing?

And can you…..

Until Next Time

Love,

Hello my name is Patricia Robertson. I am the author of The TT Diaries. I love blogging about my family,my business, and life in general. I am a happily married mother of four children ranging in age from 12 to 5. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home Mom thanks to be a Independent Consultant for Perfectly Posh. I hope you enjoyed my post. If you have any questions or just want to chat feel free to contact me via email at 6believers@gmail.com

Filed Under: Mom Stuff, Trading Spaces: Bloggy Style